Hidden Intentions
by rachael-green-bakura
Summary: Almost a year has passed since the destruction of Waterdeep. Lupin has gotten himself into more trouble, but compared to this party, they're nothing. Rated M for language, gore, and sexual themes. No happy ending.
1. How to annoy a cursed one

Twenty days had passed. In those twenty days, Waterdeep was but a shell of its former self. The elegant buildings were in ruins, and corpses littered the wrecked streets. Waterdeep used to have thousands of citizens; now, barely two hundred remained. The near-resurrection of a god had left a rift open, and all sorts of foul creatures had entered the city.

This story starts with four people waking up in the recently collapsed tavern. It had been their misfortune to have been in one of the last safe areas in the city when it had collapsed. And it had been their fortune to have survived, which is more fortune than the few others in the tavern had had.

The fighter was the first one to wake, though not by much. To his left, a rogue was opening her eyes. She pushed herself up into sitting position, holding her head.

"Ugh," she said. "What hit me?"

"Probably a piece of the roof," replied the fighter, also sitting up.

"Cute," she said in an annoyed tone.

The fighter had his head covered by a half helm, short black hair and brown eyes visible under it. He was very tall and thin. The rogue, however, had dark brown eyes and red hair down to just beyond her shoulders. She had braided the front part of her hair on both sides, and pulled them back to form a third braid down the back of her head. The fighter wore a chain shirt. The rogue wore a blue shirt with the sleeves cut off and a dark purple skirt that seemed far too short to be legal.

It was then that the two of them noticed that they were not alone. A man was standing in the middle of the rubble of the tavern. He looked over at the rogue and the fighter.

"Well, it seems that some of you are awake," he smirked. His eyes were red.

"And who are you?" asked the rogue, raising an eyebrow.

There was a groan behind them. Another man, a barbarian, was waking up. The man ignored him and approached the rogue.

"Who I am won't be your concern much longer," he said. He grinned. His teeth were pointed. "I'm looking for survivors, you see. If we're going to take this town, we can't have any."

"Leave the lady alone," said the fighter.

The man looked at him. "You're next," he said. "But I prefer to start with the more helpless pray."

"Excuse me?" demanded the rogue, drawing his gaze back to her eyes.

"Shut up, girl," said the man. He drew a wicked looking knife, holding the serrated edge to the rogue's throat. She leaned back, away from the knife, a small amount of fear showing on her features. There was another groan; an elf ranger was waking up, pulling her bow to her.

The man gave a smile as wicked as his knife. The rogue's hand closed around her bow next to her. Before she had a chance to raise it, however, a boot smashed into her attacker's face. He stumbled back, turning to the fighter, his nose bleeding.

"Ahg! You bastard!" he yelled, plunging the knife into the fighter's leg. The fighter yelled.

The fighter drew his hammer, but it made no difference, because at that moment, the wall of the tavern smashed open. A half-orc came through the wall, an axe in his hand. He saw the man and called over his shoulder, "Claire! I got another cursed one!"

"Got it, Lupin!" said Claire, entering the tavern behind Lupin. "I got the last one, you can take this one."

"Right," said Lupin, running up to the man. Before the man could react, he was missing his head. "Hey," said Lupin, turning to the four conscious people, pulling themselves to their feet. "You gotta get out of here, now. Waterdeep isn't a safe place anymore. We've just scouted the whole city, and we think you're some of the only survivors. There is a boat left in the port, it's leaving for far, far away from here. You all have to get on it or you're not getting out of here."

"The ship is leaving in fifteen minutes," said Claire. "We need to search for other survivors. We wish you luck."

Lupin and Claire departed through their homemade exit. The fighter looked around at the other three in the tavern.

"So," he said. "Introductions. My name is Jean."

"Lily," said the rogue.

"I'm Tsubaki," said the ranger.

"Randor," said the barbarian.

"Right," said Jean. "We need to get to this boat quickly and quietly. We don't want to attract unnecessary attention."

"In that case, I'll lead," said Lily, turning and moving lightly to the front door of the tavern. "Any of you attract any attention or get on my nerves and I _will_ leave you behind. Just a fair warning." She looked over her shoulder and winked. "But if you follow my lead, you should be fine."

The black sun in the sky was nothing new, nor were the huge monsters prowling the streets. Lily looked up and down the street before darting into the shadow made by the ruin of two buildings. It was dangerous to linger in the sun too long. She motioned for the others to follow her. Jean and Tsubaki darted over silently, while Randor moved slower and made a bit more noise. Lily narrowed her eyes and hissed at him to be quiet before looking up and down the street and darting into the next patch of shade.

They kept this up with little flaw, with the exception of Randor, who had a fair bit of flaw, until the port was in sight. Jean pushed ahead of Lily.

"There's the boat we have to get on," he said. "It's leaving in just a couple of minutes. We're close enough, we can make it."

Jean ran forward, heedless to Lily calling after him, and then, suddenly, he was smashing through the wall of the building to his left. Something had burst out of the building to his right and smacked him. That something turned out to be a clay golem.

Lily raised her bow and quickly fired a shot into it. This was odd, as she had not nocked an arrow, and even so she appeared not to have any arrows on her. The arrow was also glowing bright blue.

The golem stumbled and turned towards the party. Randor grinned and ran at the golem, smacking it with his axe. As he swung, flames engulfed the blade of the axe. The golem roared as he was hit. Lily shot off another blue arrow from nowhere; Tsubaki fired two shots at once.

Jean pulled himself from the building, drawing his hammer. He charged at the golem and smacked it. Being pelted with real arrows, ethereal arrows, a hammer, and a flaming axe, the golem fell.

Lily was the first to jump over its corpse and run at the boat, which seemed about to leave the port. Tsubaki and Jean took off after her, Randor stumbling behind. They boarded the ship just as it began pulling away from the harbor. Their last look of Waterdeep was not pretty. It was masked in a dark cloud of smoke and black sun, grotesque creatures prowling the streets. Lily thought she saw Claire and Lupin fighting them off.

* * *

><p>Yep, this is the follow-up game to Zyphre. Our DM from the last game is doing this one again, and has taken custody of Claire and Lupin. Actually, the entire old party really, though two of us will not make an appearance. We're all here with new characters. Spencer (Lupin) is now playing Jean. Andrew (Claire) is now Tsubaki, named thus because he is a weeaboo. Randor is someone completely new, a friend of the DM who's just coming in for this one campaign. And I (Lydia), am now playing Lily.<p>

I love Lily. She without a doubt ties with/surpasses Lydia. Just you wait. She's pretty badass. Neutral Evil x3 And I'm forgetting something...

Oh yeah! Her bow! Now where's her sheet, we were just playing the follow-up for THIS game earlier, it should be near to top of the sheet pile...found it.

AnuValore, 3d6+5, crit 18-20/x2. Range 110ft. This bow absorbs energy from life around it and fires that instead of arrows. I can choose to charge my bow for one round. This absorbs my own energy (dealing 10 points of damage), but it triples the damage. Randor's axe is like this too but I forget it's name and stats. AnuSomething. I'll check with him next time I see him on SKype.

Hehe, Spencer was saying how Jean could totally kill Lily shortly after this session. I challenged him to an off-cannon duel. He hit me with his crossbow a lot, won the initiative check, and got within 10 feet of me. BUT I spent my turns charging my bow. And I critted. One-hit kill. I had 9 hp left. Good times, good times...


	2. How to steal from the higherups

They stayed on that boat for nine months. During those nine months, the four got to know each other rather well. Lily learned almost right away that she did not like Jean. At all. And he didn't seem to like her. Tsubaki, on the other hand, liked Jean very much and became something of his shadow. Randor acted as if he had been raised by kobolds. Which, in fact, he had been. His lack of intelligence greatly annoyed Lily, though the other two put up with it rather well. Lily turned twenty on that boat, just a few weeks before they finally pulled into a port.

"Finally!" said Lily after they had all hopped off the boat, stretching. "I was beginning to wonder if we would ever get out of there!"

"We're as far away from Waterdeep as physically possible," said Jean. "We weren't going to get here in a few days."

"Stop acting so smart, Jean," said Lily.

"I'm going to the tavern," announced Randor. "Let's hope they have better ale than that ship."

"You went through all of it within a few weeks," said Tsubaki.

"Yeah…so?" said Randor, already walking off.

"I'm going to the library," said Jean. "I want to look at trap making."

"I'm going with you," said Tsubaki.

"Hm, I suppose I'll go to the armory," said Lily casually.

Lily wandered off in the direction of the armory. She would need some light armor at least; she doubted her clothing would be much use if she got into a tight spot. She found it without too much trouble. The man looked up from behind the counter as she opened the door. He sneered.

"And what prompted someone as poor as you to come in here?" he asked.

"I wish to get some armor," said Lily idly. "Something light; perhaps a chain shirt."

The man looked like he wanted to laugh. "I think you must have my shop confused with one that actually lets street rats like you buy things for far less than they're worth. You wouldn't be able to afford anything in here."

Lily's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "Show me what you have," she told him. "Then we'll talk."

The man sighed as if this were a great chore. "Let's see. In the field of chain shirts, the _most_ affordable one I have is this one," he said, pulling out a chain shirt with a silvery look to it. "Mithril. Very strong, very light. Pity you can't afford it."

"How much is it?" asked Lily, starting to get seriously annoyed.

"Five hundred gold."

"Hm," said Lily. "What else do you have?"

The man rolled his eyes; he clearly thought his time was being wasted. "We also have this one," he said, pulling out a gold one. "This one is enchanted. Impervious to anything you can think of, even dragon fire."

"And how much is that one?" asked Lily, intrigued.

"Ten thousand gold," said the man, looking insulted that she had even asked.

"Oh," said Lily. "No, I don't have quite that much on me at the moment."

"Of course you don't, you stupid little whore," said the man, putting both of them back and moving back behind the counter. "Now, if you're done wasting my time –"

"I'll take the mithril," said Lily, fishing through her back to find her money. "Five hundred, right?"

"Seven hundred," said the man. Lily stopped, suppressing the urge to hit the man. Then she saw his bulging purse on his hip.

Lily smiled at the man. "Seven hundred? I could've sworn it was five," she said innocently. "Oh well, you're the shopkeeper." She passed him seven hundred, took the chain shirt, and left.

She leaned against the wall out of sight of the door and listened. Inside she could hear the shopkeeper talking to himself.

"Finally, I thought she'd never leave. Stupid poor little whore. Wasting my valuable time. Now to get on with…hm? What the…? THAT BITCH!"

Laughing to herself, Lily tucked the man's purse in her bag. Judging by its weight, she had just gotten ten thousand gold richer. _Not bad for a stupid little whore,_ she thought. Then she booked it.

It wasn't too long before she spotted Jean and Tsubaki wandering back to the port to meet up. She ran up to them.

"Hey, guys," she said. "I think we should get a wagon or something and get the hell out of here."

"What?" said Jean. "Why?"

Behind her, Lily heard the familiar voice of the shopkeeper.

"Some little slut made off with my money! Guard, you have to track her down and arrest her!"

"Slow down, sir. What did she look like?"

"I don't know, she looked poor!"

Lily bit her tongue to keep from laughing. "No reason," she said. "Let's just find Randor and get on the road."

As it happened, they found Randor passed out drunk in the tavern. After waking him up, they all went and rented a wagon. They travelled in the back of that wagon for three days before anything happened. As for what happened, none of them saw it coming.

* * *

><p>Man that was fun.<p>

"This guy is really rude. I kind of want to punch him."

"Rachael. Stop interrupting. He's supposed to be a douche. Anyway, he puts the armor back. Roll your Spot."

"...17."

"You see a coin purse on his hip. It's filled to the brim and bulging."

"I'm gonna try to steal it!"

"Okay. Roll."

"...26."

"You succeed!"

"Ahahahaha."


	3. How to use a debt to your advantage

"Please tell me I've gone insane and a bear did not just climb into our wagon," said Lily, pointing her bow at it.

"Sorry," said Jean, holding his hammer ready. "I don't think you're insane."

But the bear didn't seem to be interested in attacking them. On the contrary, it was lying on the floor of the wagon. It was bleeding. And as they watched, the bear shrank. The fur receded into its body. And then a woman was lying in their wagon, badly wounded. They recognized her.

"C-Claire!" exclaimed Tsubaki.

The druid lifted her head, her eyes focusing on them. All but Lily lowered their weapons.

"How did you find us?" she asked. "We're on an entirely different continent."

"You…" Claire started, focusing on Lily. Or, more accurately, the glowing bolt of energy staring her in the face. "You're…you're that group Lupin and I helped out of Waterdeep. The last one we helped out. You got out safely."

"Yeah, we got out with little trouble," said Tsubaki.

"What are you doing here?" asked Randor.

"It's Lupin," she said. "He needs help. We came across a city of orcs and they…they took him! It's because of his father. He was a great warlord. They tethered Lupin with a code of honor that he doesn't even believe in! He's being forced into a task to become their leader, which he doesn't even want!"

"As sad as I'm sure this is, how is it our problem?" asked Lily. She sensed, however, that Claire was telling the truth. She slowly lowered her bow, relaxing the string.

"How did you get those injuries?" asked Randor. "I didn't think orcs could make those kinds of injuries."

"Oh, the orcs didn't do this," said Claire. "We ran into an old friend, on the way here from Waterdeep."

"An old friend?" asked Tsubaki.

"Yes," Claire nodded. "The last time I saw him, he was dead in my arms. I don't know why he's back or how, but he's not himself. He's evil. And I…I tried to fight him, but I couldn't bring myself to hurt him. His name is…was Carver."

"I fail to see how this is our problem," said Lily.

"You owe me," said Claire. "I got you out of Waterdeep, alive, mostly intact, and on the last boat that will ever leave that port. You owe me."

Lily opened her mouth to argue, before shutting it again furiously.

"I need you to go to the orc city," said Claire. "I'm not allowed in there anymore, because I fought for Lupin. Meet with the war chief there. Try to convince him to let Lupin go. And if you meet Carver while you're there…all I ask is that you don't kill him."

"What if that isn't an option?" asked Jean.

"If it can't be done, then please use this," said Claire, reaching around to the back of her neck. She undid the clasp of her choker and handed it to Jean. "Put this collar around his neck. It dispels magic. If he's alive, it will return him to his senses. If he's not…it will kill him. I would prefer this to him being cut to pieces."

Jean nodded and tucked the collar into his pocket. Claire sighed and laid her head on the floor of the wagon.

"Are you gonna be okay?" asked Randor.

"I'll be fine," said Claire. She closed her eyes. "Just need to rest. I'll be fine. The city is two days north of here. You won't see me again unless I have to."

Jean and Tsubaki exchanged a glance, as if to say "What do you think?"

Claire was gone by the time everyone woke up in the morning. There was nothing left to signal that she had ever been there, except for a small bloodstain where she had lay. Lily went up front and told the man driving the wagon to change their course north.

* * *

><p>"You're joking," said Lily. "This city was built by orcs?"<p>

The city was beautiful. Buildings made of gray stone lay in front of them. There were several districts in the city, a sign in the square pointing to it. Orcs were everywhere they looked, along with members of all other races. Most of the crowd seemed to be flocking towards a large building.

"Shall we just follow the crowd?" asked Randor.

"We're supposed to be looking for the war chief," pointed out Jean.

"We might find someone who can direct us to him," said Tsubaki.

Jean shrugged. Lily was already moving with the crowd to follow them into the elegant building. The others followed her.

Upon entering, all of them gasped. They had entered an enormous arena. Bleachers slopped downwards from where they stood, packed with creatures of all races. In the center was an enormous dirt-floored pit. Inside the pit was Lupin. He was fighting a dragon.

* * *

><p>Dear Amber,<p>

As fun as it is to hunt down the email saying that the new chapter is up and forwarding it to you, wouldn't it just be more fun to listen in on all this shit while it goes on? I mean, today was our last day of school ever and fuck if I'm gonna _text_ you these stories. And I clearly can't rant in Human Physiology to you anymore. I know I've been making this request for a month or two now, but seriously. Get a fucking Skype. It's free, and you don't need a mic to listen to us. I will email you a download link if I have to. JOIN US AMBER. LISTEN IN ON OUR SHENANIGANS THAT GET INCREASINGLY RIDICULOUS PAST THREE IN THE MORNING.

Speaking of, we're playing the game with Lily tomorrow (Saturday). Planning on pulling an all-nighter. I will include a Skype download link in the email with this chapter link.

Yours sincerely, Rachael.

PS. We can also use this Skype to, I don't know, keep in contact now that high school's over? I swear to all that is holy that if we lose contact I will hunt you down, girl.

Also, woot for natural 20 on Sense Motiving Claire.


	4. How to spurn an elf's advances

Both were bloody. Both looked exhausted. The ancient wyrm red dragon had blood caked on the edges of its scales. Lupin had deep gashes across his body. He had two axes in his hands. It was hard to tell which one was snarling more ferociously.

A slight smile on her lips, Lily leaned her back against the wall above the bleachers and watched the fight with interest. Tsubaki stood with her. Jean stood a little ways away from them, leaning on the bar at the top of the stands.

Randor, on the other hand, noticed an orc in the stands near to them. Instead of screaming, placing bets, and getting drunk like the rest of the crowd, this orc was sitting calmly with parchment in his lap. He watched the fight indifferently, every now and then making a note on the parchment. Randor approached him.

"What are you doing?" he asked the orc.

The orc barely glanced up at him from under the hood of his dark blue cloak. "I am documenting the fight for the war chief," he said. "He cannot be here himself."

"We're looking for the war chief," said Randor. "We have to talk to him about something."

"Not my problem," said the orc. He made another note on his parchment. Then he stopped and put his quill down. "Actually…the war chief has a contact. His name is Vorion. He has a job that needs doing and no one to do it. If you can find him and get the job done, you will be allowed in to see the war chief."

"Great!" said Randor. "Me and my friends need to see him. Where can I find this Vorion guy?"

"There's a door back there," said the orc with little interest, gesturing to the betting stand with his quill. "Now please, leave me in peace."

"Okay," said Randor. "Thanks!" The orc grunted.

Lily idly watched Randor wander off in the general direction of the stand where another orc was taking bets. "What do you suppose he's doing?" she asked.

"What?" asked Tsubaki.

"Nah, it's not important," said Lily. "Just hope Stupid doesn't get himself into trouble."

"Hello, ladies."

Lily and Tsubaki turned to see that an elven man had approached them. He was quite attractive, with deep green eyes and shoulder length black hair. "Barbaric, isn't it?" he asked, gesturing to the fight behind him. Lupin had just grappled the dragon's head and ripped one of its horns out of its skull, which he was now using as a weapon.

"Barbaric?" asked Lily. "Perhaps. Entertaining? Definitely." She had a hunch she knew what this elf was after.

The elf raised an eyebrow just a fraction. "Surely two beautiful women such as yourselves would not find entertainment in such a brutal sport? Wouldn't you rather find entertainment…a different way?"

Lily suppressed a smirk. She now knew she had been right. Men were so predictable. Well, this elf didn't look poor. She could indulge him, and when he was asleep she could easily loot him. She sneaked a glance at Tsubaki. Judging by her blush, she too had figured out what the elf wanted and was not as inclined to go with it as Lily was.

"Excuse me," said Jean, walking up.

"Yes?" asked the elf, glancing at him.

_Shit,_ thought Lily. _Jean, don't you dare…_

"I thought I would take it upon myself to defend the honor of my companions, since they seem too busy to do it themselves," said Jean, shooting a contemptuous glare at Lily. "I don't care what you do with our resident hooker, but leave the elf alone. If you're trying to get laid, be more discreet about it."

The elf flushed. Looking very much like he had no comeback prepared, he slunk off. As soon as he was out of earshot, Lily rounded on Jean.

"What the hell is your problem?" she demanded.

"What?" asked Jean.

"Maybe I had my own plans for this!" she hissed. "And what was with the 'resident hooker' line?"

"It seemed to be correct with the way you were willing to whore yourself out to achieve your oh-so-important goals," said Jean.

"I wasn't 'whoring myself out,'" she said. "I was seizing an opportunity."

"Yeah, to be a hooker," said Jean.

"Oh, you know what – !"

* * *

><p>Randor was lost. Which was quite difficult, seeing as the hallway he entered only had a few side hallways he could have taken. He couldn't find anyone to ask directions of in any case. He wasn't even really sure where this Vorion guy was anyway. He was just beginning to get frustrated when he heard voices ahead of him.<p>

"Look, when's the next time we'll be able to get to the dragon?" asked one voice in a hushed yell. "It's been days since the last time the two of them had a break! They're both getting tired!"

"We'll be able to get to the dragon," a second voice reassured. "As you said, it's been days since they've been given a break. We only need to wait it out, then we'll be able to sneak in and give the dragon another adrenaline shot."

"We almost got caught last time we did that, not to mention that the beast doesn't like us," said the first voice. "Do we still want to do this?"

"Look," said the second voice. "I bet too much gold on this fight. We're going to do whatever it takes to make sure the beast wins this fight. Any. Means. Necessary."

Randor turned a corner and entered a small chamber. Two men stood against the far wall. One of them looked nervous; the other had leaned in close to him.

"Excuse me," said Randor, approaching them. Both the men jumped and looked up.

"Who are you?" demanded the second man.

"My name is –" Randor started.

"How much did you hear?" shouted the second man.

"Not much," assured Randor. "Only a small something about you messing with the fight, but I doubt that's important. I wanted to ask you –"

The two men exchanged a glance, and both drew their weapons in unison. Randor looked from one to the other in confusion.

"Nothing personal, mate," said the first man, "but we can't risk you snitching on us."

He ran at Randor, mace held high. Randor quickly drew his axe and blocked him. Fire engulfed the blade as he knocked the mace out of his hand. He elbowed the man in the chest, knocking him back. The second man ran at him, sword poised. Randor ducked to avoid his swipe, countering by thrusting the burning blade into the man's shoulder. There was a crunch, a spurt of blood, and a horrible scream. The man was on his knees, clutching the spot his arm had been a second ago.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he cried. The first man ran over and helped him to his feet.

"I wanted to ask you if you knew where I could find a man named Vorion," said Randor.

"That's it?" shouted the first man.

"You cut off my arm for directions?" yelled the second in disbelief.

"You came at me with weapons!" said Randor.

The second man was no longer bleeding; Randor's axe had cauterized his wound. He was, however, still moaning in pain and looking at Randor in terror.

"We know where Vorion's office is, but if he's not in there then we don't know," said the first man.

"We can take you there," whimpered the second.

"Please don't kill us," said the first.

"Thank you," said Randor, following after them as they walked down the hallway.

* * *

><p>Oh, Randor. That big, lovable derp.<p>

I was actually kind of pissed at Spencer (Jean). I was totally gonna go with it and rob the poor bastard. That is still a running joke with us. My current Twitter bio is a joke from that. "Lily: "I am not the spawn of Satan, I am just an evil hooker!""

In hindsight, I SHOULD have multiclassed her in Hooker. It's a good class, look it up on the D&D Wiki. Like, ridiculously surprisingly good. And she acts the part. Although, in the current point in the campaign I'm playing now she'd be an ex-Hooker and all those levels wasted.


	5. How to drug a dragon

**Faleyn** - Yes, a city built by orcs. They actually have a good leader that can whip them into shape.

Thank you! Lily is a very interesting character, I like her a lot. I think she has probably surpassed Lydia as my favorite to play. For this game our DM lay down a strict rule of no Neutral characters, because alignment made the game interesting. So, I made an Evil character. Just for him. And this is just the tip of the iceburg, she gets a lot better as the story goes on. And yes, Claire and Lupin survived ;D Those two and Carver both show up in this fic. Lydia went to parts unknown and Zyphre is dead, but otherwise we've got the entire old party!

I dunno if you can buy the bow anywhere. Chris invented it for the story. It doesn't do much in this one, Randor's axe is actually focused on a lot, but in the campaign after THIS one, I've had it stolen TWICE so far! It drains life around it to form the bolts; if you spend a round charging it it takes your own life energy (10 hps). It's an original weapon, so you'd have to take it up with your DM. But yes, it is a very nice bow. I love it so x3

* * *

><p>The two men had led Randor to a door. The one who still had both of his hands knocked on it.<p>

"It's open," called a voice on the other side. The two men glanced at Randor before turning tail and running off down the corridor.

"What's gotten into them?" Randor said to himself before opening the door.

A human man was sitting at a desk, upon which sat a good sized bowl of water. Randor could see a birds-eye view of the fight reflected in the bowl. The man looked up from the bowl.

"Yes, what do you want?" he asked.

"Are you Vorion?" asked Randor.

"I am," said Vorion. "And who are you?"

"My name is Randor," said Randor. "My friends and I need to get in to see the war chief, but the orc writing things down outside said we couldn't do that unless we did your job, or something."

"I do need a job done," said Vorion pleasantly. "And it will most certainly get you in to see the war chief, though probably not in the manner you were hoping for."

"What is this job?" asked Randor.

Vorion gestured to his scrying pool. "This fight has been tampered with," he said. "That dragon has been drugged to make it more aggressive. It would be unfortunate if the half-orc lost the fight solely because of that. The half-orc is strong, and an impressive fighter. Should he lose, I would not like it to be because of unfair circumstances."

"So what do you want me to do?" asked Randor.

"Calm the dragon."

"What?" Randor exclaimed, sure that he had heard wrong.

Vorion leaned behind him and grabbed a javelin leaning against the wall behind him. "This javelin is coated with a sedative that will cancel out the adrenaline and return the dragon to his former state of aggressiveness, evening the odds of the fight."

Randor looked blankly at him. "What?"

"You need to hit the dragon with the javelin."

"Oh," said Randor. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Go, then," said Vorion, tossing the javelin to Randor. "Take the stairs down, and you'll follow the only corridor to the arena."

Randor had a much easier time finding the way to the arena. This job was suddenly looking a lot more deadly now that he was here; if he had wanted to, he could run out and touch the dragon. A burst of fire hit the wall very close to the opening he was almost leaning out of. It was scary.

Randor held the javelin ready to throw. From what he knew about dragons, he couldn't hit its scales or the javelin would just bounce harmlessly off. Then he saw it. A wound on the dragon's neck. He would only have one shot.

He hurled the javelin as hard as he could. For a moment it looked like it would hit too high, and then the dragon ducked its head down to snap at Lupin. The javelin stuck itself right in the gash on the dragon's neck. While it did not appear to feel the pointy object enter it, it did falter. Its eyes drooped slightly; it appeared to be tiring much more rapidly than before.

Lily's eyes narrowed slightly when she saw the dragon stagger. Her eyes darted around the stadium until she spotted Randor, turning and walking back down the entrance to the arena. She was curious as to what he was doing there, but it was none of her concern. She only hoped that he wasn't causing them any trouble. Of course, that would be too much to hope for.

Almost fifteen minutes later, Randor came running up to the rest of the party.

"What were you doing down there?" asked Lily, cocking her head towards the arena.

"I was getting us a meeting with the war chief," said Randor, looking extremely proud of himself.

"I'm not gonna ask how almost getting fried by a dragon will get us an audience with the war chief, but hey, if that's the way your logic works," said Lily, turning her attention back to the fight.

"Excuse me."

A tough looking guard had approached the group. Jean stepped forward.

"What's wrong?" he asked the guard.

"Is one of you a barbarian going by the name of Randor?" asked the guard, looking around at them.

"I'm Randor," said Randor, stepping forward next to Jean.

"You're wanted by the war chief," said the guard, grabbing his upper arm roughly. "He needs to speak with the man who interfered with the fight."

"Now, see here," started Jean. "How do you know it was Randor?"

"Two men were attacked by him, and then watched as he went down to the arena with a javelin coated in a sedative," said the guard, starting to drag Randor away.

"What did you _do_?" asked Lily in disbelief. "You weren't even gone an hour!"

"Are you friends of his?" asked the guard.

"In a manner of speaking," said Jean.

"Then you had better come along too," said the guard. "Witnesses could help him during the sentencing phase."

Jean walked alongside the guard and Randor, Tsubaki following him silently. Lily followed at the back, still staring at Randor in disbelief. She honestly couldn't believe he had screwed up badly enough to involve the war chief in under an hour, but apparently he had.

They were led out of the stadium and across the city to a large, almost palace-like building. The guard took them through several corridors, stopping every now and then to let the four of them pass by other guards. Eventually, they reached the war chief's room.

An orc sat on an ornate chair, in front of a table with a map pinned to it. He was talking to two men. One of them only had one arm. The orc turned to look at the party as they entered.

"That's him," said the one-armed man. "That's the one who interfered with the fight."

"Is what these men are telling me true?" asked the orc, approaching Randor.

"That depends on how much they told you," said Randor, looking up. The orc was taller than him. "Those two men spiked the dragon to make it more vicious; someone named Vorion gave me something to cancel that out, or something."

"Vorion?" said the orc. He turned to the two men. "Vorion did inform me that someone drugged the dragon."

The two men quailed under the orc's gaze. The one who still had both his arms spoke up in a trembling voice. "You don't understand…it was a good business opportunity…"

"I don't want to hear it again," said the orc. He turned to the guard who had brought the group in. "Take these two to be executed."

Jean rounded on the orc as the two men were led away. "You can't execute two men for something like tipping the odds of a sport!" he shouted.

"Ordinarily, you'd be right," said the orc heavily, sitting down in the ornate chair. "But unfortunately, I've seen those two in this room eight times before for the same charge. I warned them that I wouldn't tolerate it another time."

"Oh," said Jean. "Well. Alright then."

"Are you the war chief?" asked Randor.

"I am," said the orc. "And I thank you for fixing the odds of the match. Vorion was hoping for someone who could do it. My contact is reluctant to place himself remotely close to danger. Well, any more than I am currently forcing him to be in."

"It was nothing," said Randor. "We actually meant to talk to you about Lupin."

"The half-orc fighting the dragon is an…acquaintance of ours," said Jean. "He's apparently being tethered by a code of honor that he doesn't even follow?"

"He is," said the war chief. "I fought alongside his father, years ago. He said that should anything happen to him, his son would fight for the right to rule the orcs. I am fulfilling his wish."

"But Lupin doesn't want to rule the orcs," said Lily. "And you seem to be doing a fine job; this city is magnificent."

"Thank you, ma'am," said the orc, inclining his head. "But it was never Lupin's decision, and it is no longer mine either. I cannot call off this battle."

"Why?" asked Tsubaki.

"If I call off this fight, the resulting crowd control would be hell to pay," he said simply. "And Lupin is very much like his father; I could sense it when I briefly spoke to him. As much as he hates that we've forced him into this, he will see it through to the end. He will not allow me to call off the fight."

"Is there nothing we can do?" asked Jean. "A close friend of Lupin's will likely show up again to yell at us if we don't try, and that would be quite an annoyance."

"Actually," said the war chief, "I have a small something that I need doing. If you can get it done, I will allow you to speak to Lupin, possibly more. I might even be inclined to let him go. You would be compensated for your services, of course. You would be given lodgings, and anything you needed, really."

"What is this job?" asked Lily.

"There was a robbery, in the trade district," said the orc. "An unknown party is searching for a certain item; there are six locations where it could be. Well, five now, I suppose, since we know that the place that was robbed did not have what they were looking for."

"What are they looking for?" asked Lily, stepping in front of Jean.

"A small blue marble," said the war chief.

"That's it?" asked Lily, taken aback slightly. "Why is a trinket so important?"

"If what is carved into the marble is decoded, it will reveal the location of a shipment of weapons," said the war chief. "I've heard tell of them, but never actually seen them. They are like steel sticks, with fire coming out of the ends of them. They can kill a man without the wielder lifting a finger. They are extremely deadly. We cannot let this group get their hands on them."

"And what do you want us to do?" asked Jean.

"Investigate," said the war chief. "Search the shop for clues, try to find the people doing it, maybe guard the remaining locations. You will each be given one of these to help your investigation."

From his belt, the war chief removed four seals with a crest on it. "This is my seal," said the war chief. "Show this to a shopkeeper and you can have whatever you require for free. Do _not_ abuse it; I'd rather no one knew anyone was working on this. No one except those directly under me even know what it is this group wants, or even that they exist."

"I'm in," said Lily. "Investigating I can do. Hell, I might even be able to find this marble before they do."

"I'm in too," said Randor.

"Might as well," said Jean.

"I'll help," said Tsubaki.

The war chief tossed a seal to each of them. "Now, I know a seal is meant to be displayed, but if you do anything that stupid after what I've just told you, I will have you executed."

* * *

><p>A guard escorted the four of them across the city to the outskirts. Their jaws dropped when they saw where they would be staying. It was enormous. A huge, ornate mansion stood in front of them.<p>

"What?" asked the guard. "Too much?"

"Oh, no," said Lily. "No, this is perfect…"

It was even more impressive inside. There was an ornate staircase in front of them. To their right was a kitchen; to their left was a huge, nicely furnished sitting room. A double door stood down the hall from the stairs.

"Now," said the guard, "the kitchen is there. The sitting room is there. There is a scrying pool of sorts in the sitting room that will allow you to view the fight. Those doors lead to the library. The bedrooms are up those stairs. You all are free to pick any room you like. One more thing that the chief would like me to make sure we're clear on: those seals. They are only to be used in aide to your mission. They are not to be used because you want a new sword. Any questions?"

"No, sir," said Jean. "If you don't mind, I'm going to go check out the library." He walked off towards the doors, Tsubaki following him.

"I'm hungry," said Randor, going to the kitchen.

Lily was curious to see more of the fight. Upon entering the sitting room, her jaw dropped. The scrying pool was vertical, and was the size of a small room. She could see Lupin and the dragon battling on it from the viewpoint of a front row seat in the crowds.

As she approached it, she saw a piece of paper on the table. She picked it up and read it. It was a list of command words to change the angle of the fight. There was a birds-eye view, a view from all four angles in the crowd, Lupin's point of view, and the dragon's point of view.

Sitting back on the couch in front of the pool, Lily gave the command for the birds-eye view. The angle changed instantly. She smirked. This place was the thief's dream. She could get used to this. And maybe, when she was done, she'd take some trinkets in this mansion for the road.

* * *

><p>Hey, look, an orc with a 17 Intelligence score. He actually knows what he's doing!<p>

The little bit about Lupin's father: readers of "Zyphre," you remember the orc necromancer who randomly showed up in the tavern, burned it to the ground, and never showed up again. That's what we call "Plot points the DM didn't think through enough to develop." That was Lupin's father, and he was SUPPOSED to come back, but Chris forgot about him. Until we asked. After the campaign.

I loooooooove this mansion~ When Chris was describing the scrying pool he said "Rachael, you know how big your bedroom is? It would fill the entire room." My room is like...ten feet by eight feet and about nine feet floor to ceiling.

Also, I realized that I completely screwed up. I THOUGHT I remembered the contact's name, and I didn't. His name isn't Vorion, it's Valthalun. Bitch Tits McFuckerson. Time to improv, dear readers!


	6. How to break into a shop

"So that's where you stand," said Vorion. "One of the chief's contacts will meet you in the Broken Bow tavern around midday, and at some point you need to investigate the store that was broken into."

It was the next morning, and everyone was listening to Vorion at some level of attentiveness. Jean and Tsubaki were hanging on his every word; Randor was staring into space; Lily was leaning with her forearms on the back of a chair, only paying half-attention to Vorion. She had no interest in meeting with the contact, but was very curious at searching the remains of the store. Perhaps if she could convince the others to let her go alone.

"The contact's name is Valthalun," said Vorion. "You are free to do what you will until midday, but he will not wait for you forever, so you would do well to be on time."

With that, Vorion nodded to each of them in turn, and left the sitting room. They heard the front door close behind him.

"Midday is not that far away," said Jean. "We shouldn't wander too far."

"They're only going to keep the crime scene intact for so long," spoke up Lily, moving around the chair. "If the robbery happened yesterday afternoon, they won't be guarding it much longer. Our job is to investigate it before anyone else is allowed in."

"That's all the way on the other side of town," said Jean. "We won't get another chance to meet this contact."

"That's fine," said Lily. "No offense, but not one of you is exactly gentle. I'd work this job better on my own in any case. I've been trained to see things others don't."

"What are you getting at?" asked Jean, approaching her until they were standing face-to-face.

"You three go meet with the contact," said Lily, looking into Jean's eyes unflinchingly. "I'll go to the store and check it out. We can get both timed assignments done at once that way."

"How cute. You think I trust you to go alone," said Jean.

"Excuse me?" demanded Lily. "I do this kind of thing for a living. I'd be the most efficient at it than any of you. But I don't think even I'd be able to investigate everything before you accidently broke something with that big, clunky hammer of yours."

"I'm not saying that it isn't a good idea to split up," said Jean, abruptly switching to Elven, "but you're taking the barbarian with you."

"Excuse me?" said Lily in Elven. "Why do I have to take Stupid, who's most likely to mess things up, with me on a delicate job?"

"Because we can't have him speaking to contact," said Jean. "He'd mess everything up, as you said. Just find something to do with him. Tell him to stay put and you'll be right back. Just do something with him because I am not taking him with us."

"_Jean_!" she started angrily.

"Have fun!" he said in Common.

Randor walked up to them. "What was that about?" he asked. "I just heard you guys speaking gibberish…"

"Nothing, nevermind," said Lily, with an angry glare at Jean. "You're coming with me, so hurry up."

* * *

><p>Half an hour later, Lily was crouched behind a tree with the broken-into store in sight. Randor was standing behind her, watching her with curiosity, but surprisingly making only a little more noise than she was. Four guards stood at the front door of the shop.<p>

Lily stared at it, calculating every angle in her mind. The easiest way would require Randor's assistance. She turned to him and, feeling very much like she was setting up the circumstances for disaster, whispered, "Randor? Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, what is it?" asked Randor. He was playing with a human hand.

"Eww! What is that?" asked Lily.

"Human hand," said Randor.

"Why do you have it?" asked Lily, cringing slightly.

"I collect them," said Randor. "Whenever I defeat a foe, I take their hand. I'm trying to get enough to make a belt."

"That's disgusting. Anyway, will you please go up to the guards there and talk to them?" asked Lily. "Just go and strike up a conversation with them."

"Why?" asked Randor curiously.

"Oh, details," said Lily. "Just go. I have to do something; I'll meet you when you're done. Wait for me."

"Well…okay," said Randor.

He walked out from behind the tree and up to the guards. He started talking happily with them. The guards looked confused. One of them responded, but Lily was too far away to hear exactly what was being said. Without further ado, Lily darted out from behind her tree and dashed around to the back of the store. As she had expected, there was no one there. And Randor had distracted the guards well; she would have had to do unnecessary sneaking without him. She would have to reward him later.

After a quick check of the sides of the shop, she saw that there were no side doors. There was a window at the back of the store. If Lily could break it, she might be able to fit inside. She looked in the window. The inside of the store was devastated. Everything appeared to be smashed. Debris littered the floor. There were holes in the walls, not punching through to the outside. Lily wondered how anyone could know that nothing was taken.

She did some quick thinking. If she broke the window it would certainly alert the guards. Yet, it might be the only way to gain access to the inside. Yes, that was the only way. She fished around in her bag until she found her grappling hook and rope. Praying that it wouldn't make too much noise, she threw it up to the one story roof. It caught on something, making little noise. She tugged on the rope, making sure it was secure.

Satisfied, she picked up a good sized rock and threw it, smashing the window. She swore quietly when she saw the hole it made was nowhere near large enough to fit through. Knowing better than to linger or try again, she hurried up the rope, pulling it up after her.

"What was that?" said a voice from the front.

"I don't know, probably nothing," came Randor's voice.

"You, go look," came the first voice.

Lily crouched low on her belly, crawling to the center of the roof to make absolutely certain that she couldn't be seen from the ground. While moving, she saw what the grappling hook had attached to. An elf's corpse lay on the roof.

"There's nothing back here," came the voice of a guard at the back end of the store. "No one."

"Well, come back then," came another voice at the front. Lily heard retreating footsteps.

Straightening up slightly, she moved to the corpse. She detached her grappling hook from the poor man's torso and drew the scimitar she kept on her belt. Trying very hard to blank her mind as to what she was doing, she cut off the elf's hand. Randor had done a good job distracting the guards, and he deserved a little something.

Suppressing her gag reflex, she stowed the hand in her bag, sheathed her scimitar, and looked around. She couldn't afford to break the window further, and what she currently had wouldn't get her anywhere. On the side of the roof was a chimney. She walked lightly over to it and looked down. There appeared to be broken china in the fireplace, but nothing else. It was large enough to admit her.

Hooking the grappling hook on the edge of the chimney, she climbed down the rope into the store. The shop looked even worse on the inside. She grinned.

Unfortunately, a quick search of the store proved that there was nothing of use in it. Everything was either broken or of no value, usually both. Lily moved to the back room. The door was locked, but she picked it easily. The back room had been untouched, but that was because there was nothing in it to touch. A single chest sat in the room.

Lily moved to the chest. The lock was trapped. She frowned as she tried to disable it. It was stubbornly not yielding. She sat there fiddling with it for what she knew was longer than wise. When she finally got it, it was broken. Lily put the poison trap aside and opened the chest. Inside was what seemed to be about one thousand gold. She grinned and moved it to her bag. Then she froze. Through the open door of the back room, she heard the door of the shop open with the jingle of a bell.

"Well boys, it's time to clean up this mess, come on," came the voice of one of the guards. There were mumbles from the other three.

* * *

><p>Jean and Tsubaki entered the Broken Bow tavern at midday. There were people all over the bar, in varying levels of rowdiness. There was no way to tell which one of them was the contact. Jean walked to the back and leaned towards the bartender.<p>

"We're looking for a man named Valthalun," he said. "Would you happen to know where he is?"

"Yes, he told me he was meeting some people today," said the bartender. "Back room." He gestured over his shoulder to a door.

"Thank you, sir," said Jean. He gestured to Tsubaki to follow him and opened the door.

A man was sitting on a bench against the wall, looking utterly at ease. He looked up as the two of them opened the door. "I was told there were four people," he said casually.

"We split up for time's sake," said Jean. "Are you Valthalun?"

"I might be," said the man. "Depends on who's asking."

Jean took the war chief's seal out of his pocket and showed it to the man. The man nodded.

"I am Valthalun," he said as Jean pocketed the seal again. "I'm here to tell you what the rest of the mission includes. Sit down." He gestured to the bench next to him and put his feet on the floor to make room for them.

"The war chief already told us what this mission includes," said Jean.

"Not all of it," said Valthalun. "Right, so I'm going to talk and you're going to listen. I'm only going to say everything I'm about to say once.

"There is a group here in this town. They call themselves the Brotherhood. Their leader is a foul demon sent from Hell itself. I only know that part because I'm on my own mission, the details of which do not concern you. The Brotherhood is after that shipment of weapons, which I believe are called 'guns' or something of the sorts. To find the shipment they need two things: the marble and the cipher to decode it.

"It is to my understanding that the demon already has the cipher. They just need the marble. The store they recently broke into was one of the six locations that the marble could've been. They were not successful in finding it. There are five other shops in the trade district where it might be; they are certain it's in one of them, they just don't know which one. Those stores are the Mystic Emporium, the Couriers Welcome, Dacoruin's Alchemical Crafts, the Dragon's Eye, and the Far Reach Rest."

"Do you know when the Brotherhood is going to hit those five shops?" asked Jean.

Valthalun nodded. "Exactly one week from today, they're going to send an agent to every one of them and search until they find it."

"When you say 'demon,'" said Tsubaki, "do you mean that he's just a bad person, or…?"

"No, elf," said Valthalun darkly. "I mean that literally. The spawn of Hell is leading the Brotherhood. I'd do something about him if I could, but I can't. No one can. He's the most powerful thing I've ever seen. It's scary, watching him work."

* * *

><p>Lily was pressed against the corner of the back room, her mind working furiously. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't think of any way to get out without being seen. This was not good at all.<p>

"Hey, chief," came a voice.

"Yeah?"

"Was that window broken before?"

"…No. It wasn't." There was a suspicious note in his voice.

"Looks like someone chucked a rock through the window. See? There's the stone."

"Think it could've just been a village kid, chief?"

"I doubt it. It could be those fiends coming back for more. Spread out."

Lily's breathing quickened. She silently pulled back the string of her bow, a bolt of energy forming. If she had to fight her way out, she would.

"That door wasn't open before."

Lily raised her bow, pointing it at the door, ready to fire.

"No, it wasn't," came the voice of the chief. He sounded triumphant. "Come out, come out. Come on. If you surrender, we won't hurt you…much."

Lily heard him approaching the door. She pulled the bow string taut. Then it hit her. How could she not have thought of this in the first place? The bolt of energy dissipated; she released the string and dug into her pocket.

"There you are."

Lily looked up. The orc who was being called 'chief' had stepped though the door, his weapon out. Lily pulled out the seal and flashed it in front of the orc's face. The orc stopped; his expression changed to one of surprise.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," he said. "We were told that somebody might be coming to investigate, but we expected them to, y'know, approach us."

"That's alright," said Lily, putting the seal back in her pocket. "I saw this as an opportunity to keep my skills sharp, and judging how I got in here undetected, I'd say I succeeded."

"You could've just used the front door," said the orc.

"Ah, but where's the fun in that?" asked Lily. She walked past the orc and over to the fireplace, where her rope was still dangling. "By the way, the human who was talking to you. Where did he go?"

"I don't know," said one of the orcs. "He wandered off in the direction of the town when we were finished talking to him."

Lily groaned. "Fucking brilliant," she said to herself. "My work here is done. Carry on with your duties." And with that she left the same way she entered.

After getting off the roof, she looked around. Randor was nowhere to be found. She called his name. There was no answer. Lily swore loudly. This was why she didn't want Randor to come. She knew he would get into some sort of trouble. Now she had to find him before returning to their mansion.

* * *

><p>Poor Randor. He's the only one in the party who didn't get Elven as a bonus language, so we argue in that when we don't want him to hear. I still don't know what possessed him to wander off. To this day, it baffles me. But I'm really glad he did, because of shit that goes down in the next...probably two chapters?<p> 


	7. How to lose a barbarian

"Fuck," said Lily to herself. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."

Lily had been searching the town for the better part of an hour, with no luck. He wasn't on the streets, or in any of the shops she looked in. The only place she hadn't looked was in the tavern. Knowing him, she thought she probably should've checked there first.

She walked into the rowdy tavern, drunken people of every race stumbling around. She glanced around, but didn't see Randor. She cursed under her breath and walked to the back, where the bartender was serving drinks.

"I'm looking for someone," said Lily, getting straight to the point. "I'm wondering if he came in here, if you've seen him."

"Lotsa people c'min here," said the bartender. "I might've. What's the bloke look like?"

"He's human, about a foot taller than I am, wearing copper chain armor," said Lily. "He had an axe on his belt. Chances are he was up here, getting drunk and acting stupid. He's a barbarian, you see."

"Ya, I saw 'im," said the bartender. "'e was here. Left though. Not long afore you walked in, lass. Wif another bloke."

Lily sighed. "Thank you, sir."

As she walked out though, someone called to her. "Oi! Lass! Yeah, ye! With the red hair!"

Lily turned. A dwarf was sitting at a table against the wall. He gestured at her to come over. Lily considered ignoring him, then decided she had nothing to lose and walked over.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I mighta seen yer friend," said the dwarf.

"'Friend' is relative, but nonetheless," said Lily, "did you see where he went? I have to find him before he causes too much trouble."

"I mighta," he said. "But I might nota. I'm awfully thirsty."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "So that's the way it's going to be," she said.

"Aye, ye catch on quick, lass," said the dwarf, grinning.

"Fine then," said Lily, getting up from the table. She returned a minute later with a mug of ale, which she passed to the dwarf.

"Thanks, lass," said the dwarf. "That's good. About yer friend. I saw 'im. I mighta followed 'im when 'e left. 'E left with one of them mysterious men. The ones who show up, and vanish afore ye can follow 'em."

"You followed him?" asked Lily.

"Aye, best I could," said the dwarf. "Followed 'im till I lost 'im."

"Can you take me there?" asked Lily.

"Nay," said the dwarf. "Not without…compensation."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "How much?"

"A hunnerd gold," said the dwarf.

Lily sighed and fished one hundred gold out of her bag, passing it across to the dwarf, who grinned and pocketed it.

"Ar, ye be generous, lass," said the dwarf. "I'll take ye. C'mon."

Lily followed the dwarf across the town. They were in the bad part of the city when he stopped.

"Ar, they went down this alley and I lost 'em," said the dwarf.

Lily looked down the alley. It was a cul-de-sac. Lily looked around in confusion, but the dwarf had vanished.

* * *

><p>"You're awake. Good."<p>

Randor groaned and opened his eyes. An elf was standing in front of him, grinning. Randor noticed that his hands were chained behind him. The elf walked around the chair in the same way a shark would circle its prey.

"Very interesting axe you've got," said the elf, picking it up off the wooden table against the wall. "One of a kind. Its name is Iltath' Glek, unless I'm much mistaken. Now how would a barbarian such as you come across such a fine weapon?"

"Who are you?" asked Randor.

"Oh, excuse me," said the elf, "where have my manners gone? My name is Xander. I'll be your interrogator, your torturer, and if necessary your executioner. Now…answer my question. Where did one such as you acquire the much-sought-after Iltath' Glek?"

"I don't know," said Randor. "My family gave it to me when I left to go adventuring."

"Our sources tell us that Iltath' Glek was lost to kobolds many years ago," said Xander. "Where would your family have found such a thing?"

"I was raised by kobolds," said Randor.

"Interesting," said Xander. "But while Iltath' Glek is a prize, it is not why you were brought here. You were brought here because you did something that we really didn't like."

"And what was that?" asked Randor.

"You tampered with the fight," said Xander. "We bet a _lot_ of money on this fight, and the dragon will win. One way or another. Not only that, you got two of our own executed for tampering with the fight…not that we care too much about that part."

"You kidnapped me for making the fight fair again?" asked Randor.

"Our leader doesn't like it at all," said Xander. "I'm only following orders, though I must say that I have no issue with torturing you until we get an answer out of you."

"An answer?" asked Randor. "An answer to what?"

"Why?" said Xander simply. "Our leader wants to know why you tampered with our victory."

"Why were you risking all your money on a bet?" asked Randor. "That's your fault, not mine."

Xander laughed a humorless laugh. "Gutsy, aren't you?" he said. "Maybe we should give you a little incentive to tell the truth."

Xander strode across the small room to the only door. He opened it and called out, "Send in the kobold!"

There was a squeak of pain and a kobold was thrown into the room, landing facedown at Randor's feet. She looked up and saw him, her eyes lighting up.

"Randor!" she said. "It's me! It's Meepo!"

"Meepo?" said Randor. "What are you doing here?"

"Randor is Meepo's friend," said Meepo. "Meepo was taking care of Kalkrix like usual because Meepo is a good dragon keeper. Kalkrix was in a bitey mood so Meepo let Kalkrix have space and then that mean man came and put a bag over Meepo's head and now Meepo is here with Randor!"

Xander walked up and kicked Meepo in the side, rolling her over. "Answer our questions," said Xander. He pressed his foot to Meepo's head. "If you cooperate, your annoying little friend here won't have to die."

"I don't know what you're asking!" shouted Randor.

"You lie," hissed Xander, drawing a knife. "Tell me why you interfered with the fight!"

"Leave Meepo alone!" said Randor. "She's not part of this!"

"I will decide that," said Xander. "Why did you interfere with the fight?"

"I didn't do anything wrong!" shouted Randor.

Xander plunged the knife deeply into Randor's right shoulder, right up to the hilt. Randor screamed. Xander muttered something, and the blood dripping from the wound was sucked back in. The flesh was sealing.

"I healed your wound," said Xander. "If you try to take the knife out, it will probably sever your arm. I would not suggest it."

Xander walked back to the door, making sure to kick Meepo on the way, and opened it. "We're done for the day," Xander said to the guards outside. "Take him to the special cell. We will talk again tomorrow. As for this…" Xander picked up the axe from the table. "This I think will have a visit with the forge."

With that, Xander left the room, Randor's axe in hand.

* * *

><p>There was nothing in the alley. Nothing. Lily had searched every inch of it, walls, ground, even the rooftops of the buildings forming the alley. She sat on the gutter of the building, resting her chin on the back of her hand.<p>

"Randor, I swear to every God listening that when I find you, I am smacking you into next week," she said under her breath. "That's a promise."

She looked down at the ground, one story below her, and saw something she hadn't noticed when she had been searching below. The ground was cobblestone, covered in dirt, but there was a perfect square against the wall that looked cleaner than the rest of the ground. She frowned and jumped from the roof, landing catlike next to the square.

She sat pretzel style in front of the square. It was extremely well hidden, she had to admit; you wouldn't find it unless you saw it from above as she had, or if you knew it was there. She ran a finger along the edges of the clean spot. She could feel the hairline cracks in the ground. When she had circled the entire square, a handle rose up out of the ground. Lily grinned. She grabbed the handle and pulled. It didn't budge. Frowning, she stood and pulled on the handle with both hands. The door rose a fraction of an inch and dropped back down. She would need help for this.

* * *

><p>Jean and Tsubaki were in the library. Jean was reading a book on trap making, Tsubaki leaning on the back of the chair to read over his shoulder. They both looked up as the library door opened and Lily walked through it.<p>

"Hey," she said, getting straight to the point. "Bad news: I lost Stupid. Good news: I might have found him."

"You lost Randor?" demanded Jean, standing up.

"Yeah," said Lily. "I _told_ him to wait for me, so don't blame me. He wandered off on his own. I've spent the last hour and a half looking for him, and I lost a hundred gold finding him, so don't start with me, Jean."

"How do you 'think' you found him?" asked Jean.

"I found a door," said Lily. "It was hidden, quite well, too. Only trouble is that it's heavy. I can't lift it on my own. But I have reason to believe that Randor is behind that door."

"I suppose we have to go rescue him, then," said Jean, putting his book aside. "Lead us to the door."

* * *

><p>To THIS DAY, I have no idea what possessed him to wander off. It cut the campaign short though, too many characters had to be introduced early. Including one that will be introduced in exactly two chapters from now. And I don't know how well I got the trapdoor across, but Chris wouldn't let me find it until I got a natural 20. It's a very well-hidden door.<p> 


	8. How to set a troll on fire

"This is it," said Lily once she had activated the handle again.

"Remarkable," said Jean, leaning back to see the clean spot better. "The only way you'd find this is if you knew it was there. So how'd you find it, Lily?"

"You will stop implying what you're implying," said Lily bluntly. "It was luck. Just help me open the damn door."

Lily, Jean, and Tsubaki all took hold of the handle and pulled. The trapdoor swung open. The three of them exchanged a glance upon seeing the gaping black hole in the ground with a set of stairs descending into its depths. Jean shrugged and started down the stairs. Lily went next, Tsubaki close behind. As soon as they were all underground, the trapdoor swung shut behind them with a bang. They all jumped.

The corridor they found themselves in was dimly lit with torches every few feet. Jean started forward, but Lily hissed at him to wait and found a dart trap just a few feet in front of him. At that point, Lily darted ahead of the party to search for more traps. They lost sight of her around a corner.

"Oh _shit_," came her voice.

"What is it?" asked Jean, hurrying forward, hammer drawn.

"See for yourself," said Lily.

Tsubaki and Jean rounded the corner. Jean swore. The path in front of them divided into three sections.

"Now how're we going to find Randor?" asked Tsubaki.

"I'll take the north path?" suggested Lily, starting down the path in the middle. "Be sure to watch out for traps."

Jean and Tsubaki exchanged a glance. Jean then shrugged and started down the west path. Tsubaki sighed and walked cautiously down the east path.

* * *

><p>Lily walked for a short while, searching for traps all the way. She found a few more dart traps, but nothing more. Before long, her path split again in a perfect 180 degree angle. She cursed quietly and turned down the left path. There was a corner ahead of her. She looked around it. There was a path leading off about halfway down, and another corner. It looked like the path she was following wrapped around in a square.<p>

A uniformed guard walked around the far corner. Lily pulled her head back out of sight and crept along the right path, coming to an identical corner. She looked around it, but quickly withdrew her head. There was a guard walking down the path towards her.

"Hey…what was that?"

"You see something, Valthalun?"

"Yeah, I thought I did…I'll go check it out."

Lily narrowed her eyes. The name Valthalun rang a bell. Where had she heard it before? Then it hit her. Valthalun was the name of the contact that Jean and Tsubaki had met with. Just then, Valthalun turned the corner, wearing the same uniform as the man Lily had just seen. Valthalun stared for half a second before running at her with his sword drawn.

"Valthalun," hissed Lily. "It's me; I'm one of the ones working for the war chief. One of our members wandered off."

He swung at her head. She ducked. "Hey!" she hissed. She dodged another swing. "Oh, this is stupid!" She dug the seal out of her pocket and showed it to Valthalun. Valthalun stumbled backwards, almost dropping his sword.

"_What are you doing here_?" he whispered. "This is the _worst_ place for you to be."

"I don't want to be here," whispered Lily. "One of our group members wandered off and by the sounds of it got himself captured. We're only here to find his sorry ass."

"Xander brought in a barbarian with an axe earlier today," said Valthalun. "He was taken to torture cell D."

"That's him," said Lily. "Can you direct me to there?"

"Well, for starters, you went the wrong damn way," hissed Valthalun. "You should have taken the east path."

"Shit," said Lily. "That's the way Tsubaki…I gotta go!"

With that, Lily turned and ran back the way she came, leaving Valthalun to stare after her.

* * *

><p>Jean had entered what appeared to be a library. There were two chairs and a few bookshelves against the walls of the small chamber he had entered. There was no one to be seen. Jean walked up to the bookshelf and looked at the kinds of books were there. His eyes lit up when he saw that every single one of them was on traps and trap making.<p>

Unable to resist, he pulled one off the shelf and flipped it open. He was on chapter two when he heard a voice behind him.

"What are you doing in here?" it asked curiously.

Jean snapped the book shut and turned around. A man had entered the room and was looking at Jean suspiciously.

"Oh…I…erm…"

"Are you a new recruit?" asked the man.

"Oh, uh…yes," said Jean. "This is a very nice library."

"Oh, thank you," said the man. "Yes, it's my private library. The west wing is mine, you see, so I was surprised to see someone else in here. I'm the resident trap maker here. My name's Arthur. Pleased to meet you." He held out his hand and Jean shook it. "So, you're interested in traps? Not many people are."

"Oh, yes," said Jean. "I've been researching traps, learning to make them. I'm very interesting in making things."

"That's what I like in man," said Arthur. "The thirst for knowledge. Tell you what. It's been a long time since I've had an apprentice."

"Are you serious?" asked Jean.

"Completely," said Arthur. "I like you. You have that look in your eyes. What's your name?"

"I'm Jean," said Jean.

"Come on, Jean," said Arthur. "I'll show you a trap that you won't find in any book. I invented it myself."

Arthur led Jean down a side corridor until they reached a door. Arthur took a torch from the wall and told Jean to stand back. He opened the door and allowed Jean a look inside. There was white powder all over the floor and floating in the air. Arthur threw the torch into the room and jumped back as the entire room was engulfed in flames.

"It's flour!" he said. "Completely undetectable! Ignites instantly. You simply lay it out in a room and wait for someone to walk in with a torch or a lamp and they'll burn to death in moments!"

"That's brilliant!" said Jean excitedly.

"Isn't it?" said Arthur. "Learned it from a cook way back when, and then fashioned it into a trap. I call it Arthur's Homemade Inferno!"

* * *

><p>Tsubaki's path was wide. It was also very long. She had no idea how long she had been walking. Ahead of her she could see an enormous set of double doors. A narrow side passage was in front of her on her right.<p>

Tsubaki walked forward cautiously. Suddenly there was a horrible roar behind the double doors. There were cracks and screams, and then pounding on the doors. Tsubaki turned and ran down the narrow passage. As she ran she heard another roar and what sounded like an explosion. She could tell the doors had just been beaten down.

She ran around a corner. She heard footsteps behind her. This passage had no side passages for her to duck into. She looked over her shoulder to see a hulking mass turning the corner behind her. She ran faster. At the end of a long stretch she rounded another corner and skidded to a halt at the rim of a deep pit. She ran around the edge of it. When she was on the other side of the pit she looked across. A troll was following her, looking right at her.

Tsubaki was completely cornered. She drew her bow and pointed it at the troll with a shaking hand. The arrow bounced harmlessly off of it. The troll roared and jumped across the pit, right next to Tsubaki. It swung at her, missing her by a hair. She tried to nock another arrow, but the troll was too fast for her. It cuffed her on the side of the head and she toppled over, into the pit.

Tsubaki hit the ground far below, hard. She took a moment to get her bearings before pulling herself to her feet. She had no way back up, and she didn't think she wanted to. With nowhere else to go, she started down the hallway.

* * *

><p>Randor sat in his cell, staring at the floor. Light flooded it suddenly. Randor looked up at the bars to see that they had gone. Instead they were replaced by an image of Tsubaki wandering the halls.<p>

"Isn't it nice that your friends've come to rescue you?"

Randor jumped and turned to look. A man who certainly hadn't been there before was leaning against the wall, watching the image.

"Who are you?"

"My name doesn't concern you, mate." The man spoke with an Australian accent. "I'm the left-hand man here, under only the boss and Xander. You're about to have a little show."

"What do you mean 'a show?'" demanded Randor, standing up.

"Shh," said the man. "You'll see. We can't exactly let your friends take you out of here. We're not done with you."

"What's going to happen to her?"

"I don't know yet," said the man thoughtfully. "The one we sent to head off the elf is quite creative. I daresay she won't expect it at all."

"_Tsubaki? Is that you?_"

Randor looked back up at the image and stared in shock at a second Randor approaching Tsubaki, his axe in hand.

"_Randor? I was expecting I would have to break you out,_" said Tsubaki in shock.

"_I escaped,_" said the second Randor simply.

"Why are there two of me?" demanded Randor.

"A doppelganger," said the man with a smile. "We picked him up awhile back. He tried to impersonate the boss, and he didn't like that at all. Poor thing didn't impersonate the boss's powers at all. He's been rather subdued since the boss put him right, but we got a doppelganger out of it. Without him we wouldn't have the hilarity about to unfold."

"_How did you escape?_" asked Tsubaki.

"_That's not important,_" said the doppelganger. "_What's important is how you're going to escape._"

"_Wh-what are you talking about? Randor?_"

"Damn," said the man. "He's too eager to attack."

"Watch out!" shouted Randor.

"She can't hear you," said the man. "It's futile."

The doppelganger was raising his axe. He swung. Tsubaki ducked with a shriek, nocking an arrow.

"_Randor, what the hell are you doing?_"

"Stop it," said Randor. "Don't kill her, please, she didn't do anything!"

"She infiltrated us," said the man. "She has to die for that alone. She and your two other friends."

"What?" asked Randor faintly.

"The two humans," said the man. "The rogue woman and the improviser. It might interest you to know that while the doppelganger gets the elf, the boss himself is waiting at the entrance to our hideout to deal with them. It's also the only exit, you see, they have to go back that way. If he's not there yet, he will be soon. He could kill the two of them by blinking if he wanted to. They don't stand a chance."

Randor returned his gaze to the image in horror. Tsubaki ducked another blow from the doppelganger and fired her arrow. It hit him square in the chest. The doppelganger squeaked and backed up. It ripped the arrow from its chest and ran, axe still in hand.

"Ugh, that fucking coward," hissed the man. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go get your axe and deliver it to the forge. That coward needs to be punished, and I need to find the boss and tell him he gets the elf too. He might have a little fun facing all three of your friends. It might not be as easy as breathing…but it probably will be."

The man vanished into thin air and the image was replaced by the bars of Randor's cell once again.

* * *

><p>Tsubaki was still trying to grasp what had just happened. Clearly, that had not been Randor. She had figured that much out on her own. Which meant that she still had to find him. She continued down the hallway.<p>

"Hey, you're not dressed up like the mean men!"

Tsubaki turned around swiftly, her bow held at the ready. A kobold was running towards her. "Meepo is happy to find someone who isn't dressed like the mean men who hurt Meepo!"

"You're…not with them?" asked Tsubaki.

"Nope," said Meepo. "They took Meepo away from Kalkrix and Meepo wants to get back to him because Meepo is a good dragon keeper. But first Meepo needs to free Randor because Randor is Meepo's friend."

"You know where Randor is?" asked Tsubaki.

"Meepo knows," said Meepo. "Meepo needs to help Randor escape like Meepo escaped from the people who hurt Meepo."

"Can you take me there?" asked Tsubaki. "I'll help you save Randor."

"You will?" asked Meepo, her eyes lighting up. "Yay! Meepo happy! Meepo will take you to Randor now!"

Meepo grabbed Tsubaki's hand and scurried down the hallway. "We're very close; you'll see Randor in two minutes!"

* * *

><p>Randor looked up upon hearing the familiar voice of Meepo, urging someone on who she called "elf-lady." He stood and walked over to the bars, craning his neck to look down the hallway. Meepo and Tsubaki were both running down the hallway.<p>

"Guys!" he shouted. "Guys, I'm here!"

"Randor!" shouted Meepo, running up and trying to hug him through the bars. "Meepo brought elf-lady to get you out of here, Randor!"

"Good job, Meepo!" he said. "Hey, Tsuba…Tsubarok…Tsuaraka…"

"Close enough," said Tsubaki, fitting an arrow tip into the lock and wriggling it around. After a few minutes, the lock clicked. "Come on; let's get you out of here."

* * *

><p>Jean was walking contentedly back the way he came, a few new books on trap making with Arthur's own notes scrawled in them in his bag. He had almost reached the intersection where they had split up when ahead of him a red-haired figure came running into the hallway, skidding to a halt as she reached the corner, turned and went running down the east path.<p>

"Hey, Lily!" he called.

She skidded to a halt again and looked over her shoulder. "Oh, hey, Jean," she panted. "Come on, we have to find your girlfriend."

"What do you mean?" asked Jean.

"Randor is down this path, in a torture cell," Lily panted. "Who knows what kind of nasty things are down there? We gotta get Tsubaki."

"Okay, we will, just…I don't know, stop and catch your breath," said Jean. "How long have you been running?"

"I don't know, since I found out Randor was down this way," said Lily, clutching a stitch in her chest now that she was stopped. "I'm fine, let's just go. It would suck if she died."

"You never struck me as the type to be concerned for other people," said Jean.

"Oh, I love you, too, you bastard," said Lily, glaring at him.

"Whatever, let's go," said Jean. He continued walking down the east path, Lily following behind, still breathing heavily.

The area ahead of them was bad. There was a room in front of them, the shattered remains of what appeared to have once been an elegant double door lying in splinters in front of it.

"I doubt she would go in a room like that," Lily murmured, ducking into the narrow side passage on her right. Jean followed her.

The area here looked, if possible, even worse. There were deep ruts in the floor. It looked like something big had stormed though the hallway.

"Just saying, this does not look safe," said Jean.

"Yeah, but this is where your girlfriend went," said Lily, walking further ahead of Jean.

"She's just an acquaintance," said Jean.

"You're fooling yourself."

The scene looked the same, possibly worse. There were long scars and scrapes in the wall and floor. Jean watched in silence. Lily could only say "Oh, my gods…" under her breath.

"I'd be surprised if anyone's still alive after this," said Jean.

Lily glared at him over her shoulder. "Well, aren't _you_ sympathetic?" she said condescendingly.

The two of them reached a corner. Lily walked cautiously forward. Jean stayed where he was. Lily reached the edge of a deep, dark pit. She couldn't see the bottom of it. What she could see was the troll standing on the other side of the hole. It growled at her. Lily backed up slowly.

"Jean…" she hissed. "We have a problem."

Jean heard the troll growl again and assumed the worst. He turned and walked back down the passage. Lily took one glance over her shoulder and ran right after him.

"Should we walk or run?" asked Jean.

"That's a fucking troll," said Lily. "That's a fucking troll. That's not just a troll, that's a fucking troll."

Lily started to run, Jean running too and quickly passing her. They heard the heavy footsteps running after them. They were almost at the wide hallway again when Lily looked over her shoulder. The troll was about fifteen feet behind them. Lily squeaked and ran past Jean, jumping over the debris and running into the room.

The room was covered in blood. There was a smashed and broken cage on the side of the room. Dead men wearing the same uniform as Valthalun lay ripped and broken around the room.

Jean stopped in the wide hallway and turned around, hammer drawn. Lily faced the narrow passageway with her bow drawn, the string pulled taunt. Jean ran at the troll, smacking it hard with his hammer. The troll looked at him and roared, saliva dripping from its jaws.

The troll swung at Jean, smacking him hard, nearly knocking him over. Jean stumbled, stunned. He swung at the troll again and missed. The troll lunged forward and missed, tripping and falling with a crash to the ground. Jean didn't even look back. He ran past the troll and back down the hallway to the intersection. Lily swore.

A bolt of energy formed in her bow but she kept it there, charging it. She felt it draining her own life energy. The troll picked itself up and moved towards her. Lily released the arrow, much more powerful than her usual arrows. It struck the troll in the chest and it fell backwards, unconscious.

Lily dropped her bow and fished through her bag in a panic. She found a vial of oil and her flint and steel. Dropping her bag, she ran to the troll's body. She dumped the oil on the troll. It was stirring; its eyes opened and stared at her. Praying to any god who would listen, she hit the flint and steel rapidly. It sparked, and the next thing the troll knew, it was in flames.

It turned back down the narrow passage and ran, roaring. Lily ran back into the room to pick up her bow and bag. Then, she followed the troll down the passage. She didn't see it, not even when she got to the pit. Looking in, she saw a small fire at the bottom, moving out of her line of sight.

She took a deep breath and fished her rope out of her bag. She tied it to a protruding rock and threw it in the pit, tugging to make sure it was secure. She took another steadying breath and began the climb down the rope into the depths below.

* * *

><p>Dat troll, bro. Dat troll. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I have NO IDEA why he wandered off.<p>

I know that in D&D, Australia does not exist. However, our DM used an Australian accent for this character, and he never actually got a name. When we had to refer to him out of character we called him "the Australian guy." To this day, he does not have a name. He is just the Australian guy.

This "boss" seems pretty damn scary, huh? He's my favorite NPC EVER. You'll all get to meet him next chapter.

Jean is such a royal douche. He totally abandoned me. Ah, well, that's what you get when you pair two evil characters together.

Randor does know Tsubaki's name, by the way. He just can't pronounce it. Nor can his roleplayer, for that matter. Although it did lead to a beautiful inside joke, because as Josh was stumbling over the name, I cut in with "Tsubakarakarakaricket." I do believe I broke Susan when I said that; she couldn't stop laughing.

And Chris did invent the flour trap. He has a pretty nice story about a group of players that were giving him shit about his DMing skills, so he killed the entire party with that trap.

Also, if anyone's interested, I recorded as much as I could of the fight Lily and Jean had with the troll. A link to the video is on my page. Feel free to watch it. Listen to our shenanigans. You get to hear Jean ditch me first hand. "Sorry, Rachael, I'm ditching you. I am evil." "Oh you FUCK."


	9. How to betray the entire party

Tsubaki, Randor, and Meepo were running back the way they had come. They had almost made it back to the pit when a flaming troll fell down it and ran towards them, roaring. They backed up rapidly, but the troll fell facedown and didn't move.

A rope fell down the pit then, falling just short of the bottom. Tsubaki drew her bow, just in case, but a familiar red-haired figure came climbing down it just a moment later.

"Lily!" called Tsubaki.

"Hey, you guys are okay," said Lily, turning on the rope to face them.

"More or less," said Randor, gesturing to the knife in his shoulder.

Lily got to the end of the rope and dropped the last couple feet. Sidestepping the burning troll corpse, she walked right up to Randor and smacked him across the face as hard as she could. The slap echoed around the hallway.

"What the _fuck_ were you thinking!" she demanded. "I told you to wait for me! What possibly possessed you to think that wandering off was even remotely a good idea! Huh?"

Randor cowered as she yelled at him, one hand on the reddening handprint on his cheek.

"Lily, where's Jean?" asked Tsubaki, clearly eager to stop her yelling.

"Oh, don't even get me started on that fuck!" snarled Lily. "That troll was about to kill us and he ran and saved his own hide! I set the fucking thing on fire without his help!"

"You're just determined to be mad, aren't you?" asked Tsubaki.

"I am significantly pissed the fuck off, yes," said Lily. "Let's just get the fuck out of here before something shows up to kill us."

"We have to get my axe!" said Randor. "They're gonna melt it down!"

"Not my problem," said Lily. "I came out here to save you. We found you. Now let's get out of here and you can use the seal to get a new axe."

"I can't just get a new axe!" said Randor.

"Randor, why is the human-lady mad at Randor?" asked Meepo.

"I'm going to get my axe back, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!" shouted Randor, turning around and walking down a side hallway.

Tsubaki ran after him. "Do you even know where you're going?" she asked.

"Yes," said Randor. "I saw the forge when they brought me in."

Lily followed after them, drawing level with Tsubaki, a steady stream of curse words being uttered under her breath. Tsubaki glanced over at her.

"Aren't you going to search for traps?" she asked.

"No," said Lily. "Randor is ahead of us; he'll find them for us."

"Isn't that a bit mean?" asked Tsubaki.

"It's all a matter of perspective," said Lily. "We risked ourselves to save his ass and now when we can get the fuck out, he's insisting we take a side trip for a weapon. He can take a dart or two."

They had reached a T intersection. Randor stepped out into the middle and started to fall as the ground crumbled beneath him. He reached out to grab something to stop himself from falling. Unfortunately, the thing he ended up grabbing was Lily's arm. Both of them tumbled into the hole.

"Randor, I am going to kill you," she growled, pushing herself into a sitting position.

"Hey, you're the one who said he'd find the traps for us," said Tsubaki, leaning over the edge.

"Fuck you!" said Lily.

The hole was not deep. It was barely three feet. Lily stood up to walk to the edge and pull herself out. As she stood, however, there was an ominous whistling sound to her right. She threw herself onto her back just as a massive axe came hurtling through the air directly over her head.

"Classic," she said. "Fucking wonderful. Randor, remind me to castrate you later."

She watched the blade move back the other way. It moved very close to the rim of the hole. If they stood or even moved it would hit them.

"Me-Meepo is going back to Kalkrix!" The kobold sounded terrified. They heard her scurrying away.

"What do you want me to do?" asked Tsubaki.

"Look for a switch," said Lily. "There's no way they'd leave a pendulum like this without an off button."

Tsubaki scanned the wall on the other side of the swinging axe. Slightly down the left path was a lever.

"There's a level over there," said Tsubaki.

"That'll probably be it," said Lily. "Find a way over there and pull it."

Tsubaki approached the edge of the pit and shuffled around the edge. The axe swung past in the opposite direction and Tsubaki jumped across to the lever. She grabbed it and pulled it down. There was a grinding noise as the axe slowed. Unfortunately, Tsubaki didn't count on inertia.

Lily and Randor heard that _schwk_ of the axe hitting flesh and Tsubaki's scream. Randor made to jump up, but Lily grabbed his collar and held him down until the axe had come to a complete stop above their heads. She released him and crawled under the axe to the edge of the pit and pulled herself out, Randor right behind her. When they were both out, they ran to Tsubaki.

Tsubaki was sitting against the wall underneath the lever, both hands clutching her thigh. Blood was pouring out from under her hands. They could see the gaping wound between her fingers.

"Can you stand?" asked Lily.

"N-no, I don't think so," said Tsubaki, shaking her head.

"The forge is right down this hall," said Randor.

"Tsubaki, we'll be right back," said Lily. "I don't trust him alone."

"Understandably," said Tsubaki. "I'll be fine. I'll stay here and try to stop the bleeding."

Randor was already walking. Lily looked at Tsubaki over her shoulder one last time before following him.

* * *

><p>The forge itself was empty of people. There was a conveyer belt rolling towards a tub.<p>

"My axe!" shouted Randor. His axe was on the belt, almost at the tub. He ran forward and grabbed his axe.

By the time Lily shouted a warning, it was too late. Molten metal poured into the tub, disintegrating the handle of the axe and coating Randor's arm in the boiling substance. Randor screamed. He grabbed the blade of the axe and stumbled backward. His right arm hung uselessly at his side.

Lily ran over and helped him stay standing. "Come on," she said. "You've got your axe; let's get Tsubaki and get the fuck away from this place."

The two of them walked briskly back to where Tsubaki lay. Lily wrapped Tsubaki's arm around her shoulders and supported her. They ran as best they could back to the pit. The fire on the troll had put itself out.

Lily and Tsubaki climbed up first and then pulled Randor up. Lily untied her rope and stuffed it back in her bag. The three of them ran back down the passage and out towards the exit.

A man was waiting for them at the exit, except he wasn't - he couldn't be - human. He had two long, thick horns that swept back like hair. His eyes were bright green, with no white or pupils. He smiled as they approached, revealing slightly pointed teeth, the canines especially sharp. He wore simple black silk clothing and had a longsword at his hip.

The demon looked at all three of them in turn, his eyes lingering on Randor's third degree burns and the dagger in his shoulder. "That arm certainly seems to be in bad shape," he said in a silky voice. "Allow me to take care of that for you."

Before any of them could react, the demon had drawn the longsword and brought it down on Randor's shoulder, completely severing his arm. Randor fell to his knees, screaming, holding the wound. The demon calmly sheathed the longsword.

Lily pushed Tsubaki off her shoulders and drew her bow, firing an arrow straight at the demon. He waved his hand and the arrow veered off into the wall harmlessly.

"Who are you?" Lily demanded.

"My name is Xant," said the demon. "I am the leader of the Brotherhood."

Tsubaki remembered what Valthalun had said about this demon. She tried to take a step back but stumbled on her injured leg and fell. Another bolt of energy formed in Lily's bow.

"Are you going to attack me like you did your father?" asked Xant with a tone of amusement. Lily stared at him, shock etched into her face. "Too bad for you, I don't die. Him? He did."

"Shut up!" snarled Lily.

"How did it feel, girl?" he asked her. "Your home was burning. He was crying out for you to help him. But you only stood there and watched as your father burned to death. Do you remember his screams?"

"_SHUT UP, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP_!" screamed Lily, her voice echoing around the hall. She fired her arrow. Xant laughed and caught it with one hand. It dissolved in his hand.

"My arm…," moaned Randor on the floor.

"I have a proposition for you ladies," said Xant calmly. "How would one of you like to become the right-hand woman here at the Brotherhood? We have so few women here; it makes things a bit dull sometimes."

"Are you fucking with me?" snarled Lily, another arrow forming. But she was tempted. This demon was a jackass in her opinion, but his offer had its temptations. Still, he had attacked Randor and taunted her. She had to keep up appearances, she had to not let Tsubaki or Randor know anything. How was she going to do this?

"Not at all," said Xant. "Although I can see that you, at least, have no interest. It is a pity. What about you?"

He turned to Tsubaki, turning his back on Lily. Tsubaki looked into his eyes, trying to sense if he had an ulterior motive. She gasped when she heard his voice in her head.

_Aww, are you trying to figure me out? Too bad. I control more than you even know exists._

"Telepathy!" she gasped, scooting back away from him.

At that moment a bolt of energy hit Xant in the back. "_Stop_ that," he said, reaching around and grabbing the arrow. He threw it to the floor where it bounced violently between the floor and ceiling before dissipating.

He turned his eyes back to her, locking his green eyes with her brown ones. She heard his voice in her head.

_Yes, my dear?_

Lily wasn't entirely sure how to reply, so she just thought her answer.

_I'll go, but my companions don't find out. I could come back tonight, away from their prying eyes._

_I know; you are easy to breach the mind of. I will act you out of here._

_Haha, thanks._

"Well, it's quite clear that neither of you are interested in my offer," he said with a sigh. "It really is a pity. Unfortunately, you only had two choices: accept or die. We can't have people running around who know our location, you see." He drew his longsword. Fire engulfed it.

_Shoot me._

Lily fired another arrow. This one hit him square in the chest. He was knocked backwards and slammed into the wall.

"Uhn! Wh-what?" he cried.

_Dramatic,_ said Lily. She could sense his smirk in her mind.

Lily ran over and helped Tsubaki and Randor to their feet, helping them both to the door while Xant was still picking himself up. As they climbed out of the trapdoor, she said one last thing to him.

_See you later._

_Yes, goodbye._

* * *

><p>Jean was sitting alone in the library. The other three had returned by late afternoon, everyone injured except for Lily, who had had some very choice words to say to Jean, half of which he was convinced she was making up on the spot. Randor had had his wound cauterized and was sleeping it off. Tsubaki had bandaged herself up and retired to her room. Lily…Jean wasn't entirely sure what she was doing, nor did he particularly care.<p>

In front of him were scraps of metal and several tools. When he was done, it would be a new arm for Randor. He sat back from his work and stretched. It must be very late. He heard the front door close. He frowned, but then decided that he didn't care, and returned to his work.

* * *

><p>The moon was high in the sky when Lily got back to the alley. Xant was there, standing over the trapdoor.<p>

"You came," he said in a tone almost like a purr.

"You doubted I would?" asked Lily.

"A bit," said Xant. "Humans aren't the most reliable of creatures, proven by the fact that you are here at all, betraying all your friends."

"Those people aren't my friends," said Lily.

"Whatever they are to you, we should be going," said Xant.

"In there?" asked Lily, gesturing to the trapdoor.

"Oh, no," said Xant. "I've made arrangements at a small, if not a bit fancy, restaurant on the other side of this pitiful city. It will be nice and secluded, no one to overhear us."

"Sounds nice," said Lily.

Xant changed then. His horns receded into his head and black hair fell to his shoulder. His eyes stayed bright green, but acquired whites and pupils. His teeth weren't as pointed. A human stood in front of Lily and he was, there was no other word for it, _hot_.

Xant offered her his arm. "Shall we go, then?" he asked.

Lily smiled and wrapped her arm around his. "Yes," she said. "Yes, I think we shall."

* * *

><p>Hnnnnnnnggg, Xant~ THIS is the man I've been so eager to introduce. I love Xant. He's my favorite NPC EVER.<p>

So yes, now Lily has a means to her end, which is to betray the entire party.

Words cannot express the beauty of Randor's "My arm..." It's 3 in the morning, shit's getting dramatic, I'm yelling SHUT THE FUCK UP into my mic, Xant is taunting her about her backstory, and then Josh just decides to cut in with "My arm..." in monotone. Needless to say, we all started to die, the moment was ruined and we couldn't pick it back up because I was laughing too hard to get angry again. I've never seen a moment get killed more effectively.

"Roll your reflex." "8." "Reroll that. Actually, no. Don't. This is your punishment for a bad roll. Molten metal dumps on your arm."


	10. How to completely emasculate a demon

"Do you think this is the place, my lady?"

"Yes, I do," said Isarda. "It certainly looks like the nicest place in this hovel, doesn't it, Balder?"

Isarda turned to her servant, pulling the cart behind her. The cart itself was piled high with what looked like the contents of a palace. Her servant, Balder, a muscular, dark-skinned elf, was pulling the cart, looking thoroughly exhausted.

"Shall we see if anyone is home, my lady?" asked Balder.

The elven diplomat nodded and walked up the short path to the door, knocking sharply on it. After a few seconds, the door opened. Isarda took a step back in shock as a man looked out, an odd device strapped to his head. There were several glass circles in front of his right eye, magnifying it to look enormous.

"Hello," said Jean. "Who are you?"

"My name is Isarda and I, uh, I'm a diplomat come to speak to the war chief," said Isarda uncertainly. "What is on your head?"

"Oh, sorry," said Jean, pulling off the magnifying glass. "I have a small project I'm working on, nevermind it. Anyway, the war chief isn't here, that's for sure. Why are you here?"

"The war chief will not have an audience with me at this time," said Isarda. "He said that my servant and I could lodge here for the time being."

"We have plenty of space, no doubt about that," said Jean. "Pick any of the empty rooms you like. There's probably space in the back for all your stuff." Jean ran his eyes over the mountain of furniture.

"Thank you, sir," said Isarda, bowing slightly.

Jean stepped aside to let her and Balder pass. Lily walked out of the sitting room to see what was going on and stopped in her tracks upon seeing the mountain of elegant items. The thing that attracted her attention most was what the elf woman was wearing. A long, elegant, dress-like robe that changed colors as she moved.

"Hi," she said, walking up to the elf. "I'm Lily."

"Isarda, and this is Balder," said Isarda.

"What are you doing, Lily?" asked Jean.

"Introducing myself, Jean," said Lily. "Is that a crime?"

Balder cleared his throat. "I was wondering if someone could show us where we can put lady Isarda's things, and where we will be sleeping."

"I'll show you where you can sleep," said Lily. "Jean, help the man find somewhere to dump the cart."

Lily started up the stairs, Isarda following behind. She led Isarda to the largest room in the mansion, the room itself the size of a small house.

"Oh," said Isarda. "It's so…small."

"Small?" asked Lily. "Are you kidding? Well, I guess with that much stuff this room would seem small. How'd you get enough money to get all that stuff anyway?"

"I am a diplomat from the grand elven city," said Isarda. "I am not short on gold."

"Wow, a diplomat," said Lily. "What's a diplomat doing here?"

"I wish to form a peace treaty between the elves and the orcs," said Isarda. "I will get an audience with him tomorrow."

"Will you be around long?" asked Lily.

"As long as it takes," said Isarda.

* * *

><p>Night had fallen. Isarda and Balder had met all the members of the household and were settling in comfortably enough. It was very late, and everyone had retired to bed.<p>

Lily was pulled back to consciousness by the sound of her door opening. She groaned and buried her face in her pillow, trying to get back to sleep. Suddenly, she felt a presence next to the bed. Fully awake now, she looked up.

"What the hell?" she cried. Two disembodied, glowing green eyes were floating next to her.

"Oh, sorry!" said a voice she recognized. "I'm in my stalker form! Here, uh, is this better?"

"Much," said Lily, pushing back the blanket and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Hi, Xant. How've you been? I haven't seen you in a couple days."

"I've been fine," said Xant. "Kind of lonely without you, though. That night was quite nice."

"Shut the door," said Lily. "We don't want anyone to know you're here."

Isarda woke up to the sound of a door closing across the hall. She glanced out the window. The moon was high in the sky; it must have been after midnight. Who would still be awake at this time? She got out of bed and walked to her door.

"My lady?" asked Balder groggily from the floor.

Isarda put a finger to her lips and silently opened the door, listening hard. She heard a voice across the hall. She didn't recognize the voice, but could tell it was male. She couldn't quite make out what he was saying.

"So," said Xant, sitting next to Lily on the bed, "we have a small something going on. There is an item we're searching for, a small marble. We know that there are five places where it might be. We're going to hit one of the places tonight ahead of schedule, and I thought you should come down and meet the boys."

Lily tipped her head back and laughed. "Oh, that is too funny," she said.

"Sorry, but, uh…what's funny?" asked Xant.

"The job the war chief assigned us," said Lily, smiling, "the reason we're here at all, is to _stop_ you from getting the marble."

Xant smiled. "That is funny," he laughed, "the way things work out."

Isarda crept across the hall and pressed her ear to the door. From the hallway she had heard…something about a marble? There were two voices in the room, a man's and a woman's. She couldn't remember who this room belonged to. She put her weight against the door.

Xant looked up at the door sharply. Faster than Lily could blink, he grabbed her wrist and stood, pulling her close and wrapping his arms tightly around her body. Lily opened her mouth to ask what he was doing but he shook his head. As he did so, the unlatched door fell open and Isarda fell to the floor with a thud.

Lily opened her mouth, ready to make any excuse she could think of, but Xant clapped his hand over her mouth, keeping completely silent. He shook his head at her, took his hand away from her mouth and put a finger to his lips.

From the floor, Isarda scanned the room. Her eyes darted to every corner, passing straight through Lily and Xant more than once. Lily looked up at him questioningly. He smiled.

"My lady?" said Balder, appearing in the doorframe. He helped her to her feet. "Come on, we should get back to bed."

"Ah…yes," said Isarda, glancing into the room one last time. Her eyes were looking barely an inch to the left of where they were standing.

Isarda walked off. Balder closed the door. Xant waited a few seconds before letting go of Lily and stepping back.

"An invisibility spell?" said Lily. "Nice."

"Not a spell," said Xant, smiling. "So, what do you say? Will you come with me?"

"I don't see any reason why you think I wouldn't," said Lily.

"Alright then," said Xant, holding out his hand. "To the Mystic Emporium."

Lily took his hand. There was a rushing noise and she was suddenly outside. She stumbled a bit. Xant held her arm to steady her.

"Don't do that much, do you?" he asked.

"No," she said. "Do you?"

"Hey, boss!"

Xant looked up. A man was walking up to the two of them. He saw Lily, his eyes widening slightly. "Who's this?" he asked.

"Our newest member," said Xant. "Lily, this is Arthur. Arthur, Lily."

"Pleased to meet you, madam," said Arthur, bowing. Lily inclined her head. Arthur turned back to Xant. "The others are already inside, sir."

"Good," said Xant. "Come on, Lily."

The Mystic Emporium was already mostly torn apart. No more than four people were scavenging the piles of objects on the floor. They looked up as the three of them entered the store.

"No luck so far, boss," said one of them. "Arthur disabled the traps the owners put up and we've already covered almost every inch of this place."

"Good job," said Xant. "Lily, would you care to join the search? You are significantly more skilled at finding hidden things than they are. You found us, after all."

Lily smiled at him and joined the search around the store. Arthur was examining the traps he had disabled. Xant was walking slowly around the room, running a hand over the walls, searching for anywhere the marble could be hidden.

"That's a pretty short skirt, girl," said one of the men. "I didn't know our hiring standards had sunk to sluts. Do you service fellow members?"

The man flinched as a hand closed on the back of his neck. "You will keep a civil tongue in your head or I will personally rip it out," said Xant. "And you will show her your respect."

"Xant, really, it's fine," said Lily. "I'm used to it. It comes with dressing like a whore."

"But you're not!" said Xant.

"Whoa, whoa, back up," said Arthur. "She called you by name. You're okay with that?"

"As a matter of fact, I have no problems with that at all," said Xant. "If she called me 'boss' or 'sir' it would make things really awkward."

"Wait," said Arthur. "Are you two like…?"

"So what if we are?" asked Lily.

"You took her _stealing_ for the first date?" asked one of the men.

"Yeah, I did!" said Xant defensively, color rising in his cheeks.

"We all thought you'd eventually find a nice succubus to settle down with," said another one of the men. "I never imagined you'd choose a human. That's so…unlike you."

"Aww, how sweet," said Lily. "You picked me over a demon who exists to sex every male object in sight."

The man who Xant had threatened spoke up. "So, have you guys…huh? Huh?" He raised his eyebrows. Xant cuffed him hard on the back of the head.

"No, I haven't fucked him yet, but I assure you it's only a matter of time," said Lily.

"Lily!" exclaimed Xant, going very red in the face.

"Now, now, I'm sure when the boss is ready to give someone his virginity, he will, but let's not rush these two," said Arthur with a smirk.

Xant gaped at him, his cheeks bright red. What sounded like half-formed words kept coming out of his mouth. Eventually he managed to stammer out, "If you were _anyone else_, trap maker, I would kill you in such a creative way."

"Calm down, Xant," said Lily. "It's just a bit of harmless fun."

"Whatever," said Xant. "The marble isn't here. Come on, Lily. Let's go…I don't know, do something else. You four, work on cleaning things up. Arthur, put the traps back the way they were. We don't want anyone knowing that we moved ahead of schedule."

Xant walked out of the store, Lily beside him. Behind them, they heard the one man wolf whistle and shout, "Whoo! Go get some of that hot pussy, boss!"

Xant bent down and picked up a small rock. The next thing the man knew, his forehead was bleeding.

* * *

><p>The sun was beginning to rise when Xant and Lily finally teleported back into her room. They had had a nice night, though they hadn't done much more than walk around and talk. Lily fell back onto her bed.<p>

"Ugh, I am exhausted," she said, stretching.

"I'll leave you to sleep, then," said Xant. "I need to get back to the Brotherhood. And, Lily…uh…about the virgin thing…um, don't tell anyone, okay? At two thousand years old, it's a tad embarrassing."

"I think it's cute," said Lily. "But don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Thanks," said Xant. "I'll be seeing you soon."

Lily blew him a kiss, but he was already gone.

* * *

><p>Hnnnng Xant. He's such a cute, nervous virgin. I LOVE that one guy who didn't know how to keep his mouth shut.<p>

And Susan finally joined the game as Isarda. Balder is an NPC, but he's cool. Has anyone else ever heard of a black elf?


	11. How to get knocked out by a garden gnome

"Hey, Lily!" shouted Jean, opening her bedroom door. "Wake up; you're the only one still asle – oof!" He broke off as Lily's pillow hit him dead in the face.

"Get out," she said groggily, not lifting her head. She was lying face down on the bed.

"What's your problem?" asked Jean. "You haven't been up all night, have you?"

"Out!" she said, lifting her head to glare at Jean.

"Fine," said Jean, throwing her pillow back to her. "Be antisocial. See if anyone cares." He shut the door and walked away.

Jean walked back down to the library. The new arm for Randor was coming along nicely. It now resembled an arm instead of a hunk of steel. A tangle of steel wiring was pouring out of the socket. He sat down at the desk and began work on the elbow, making sure it bent smoothly. He didn't even notice Balder enter the library until he spoke.

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously, his head cocked slightly to one side.

"I'm making a new arm for Randor," said Jean.

"Wow, that looks like it's going well," said Balder, sitting down across from Jean and bending forward to get a better look.

"Where's Isarda?" asked Jean.

"She left already," said Balder. "Her meeting with the war chief is today. Do you need any help on this, by any chance?"

"I could use an extra hand if you know what you're doing," said Jean.

"I do hope that isn't steel," said Balder. He pointed at the wiring spilling from the socket.

"It is," said Jean. "Is that a problem?"

"That's going to be connected to his nervous system, isn't it?" asked Balder. "That's going to allow him to move the arm?"

"Yes," said Jean.

"Steel won't conduct," said Balder. "He won't be able to control the arm as well as he could if you use steel. Steel is tough, too. He'd have trouble rotating his shoulder. What would usually be the best would be lead; it's nice and soft, flexible; but that would poison him over time. I think your best bet would be copper wiring."

"And where are we going to get copper wiring?" asked Jean.

"I can get that," said Balder. "I still have a few friends from back when I used to make golems. I could get you enough copper to make ten arms within a few days."

"That would be extremely helpful," said Jean. "Thank you."

"Now," said Balder. "Let me see how well the wrist works."

* * *

><p>Isarda nodded to the guards and entered the war chief's room. An odd sight awaited her. The war chief was on the floor, roughhousing with two very small orcs. The small ones were laughing. Isarda smiled. The war chief looked up and saw her. He stopped playing.<p>

"Alright, kids," he said. "I have to work now. Run along, now. Daddy will play with you later."

The two children looked disappointed, but walked past Isarda, out the door. The war chief smiled and gestured after them.

"My sons," he said shortly. "The oldest will be five this year. Anyway, what was it you wanted to discuss with me?"

"A peace treaty," said Isarda, "between the elves and the orcs."

"I'm listening," said the war chief.

* * *

><p>There was a knock on the door. Jean got up and went to answer it. Balder had left him to his work to go and wait for Isarda so he could escort her back. Lily was still asleep. He wasn't entirely sure where Tsubaki and Randor were. He reached the main hall and opened the door. He didn't see anybody there. He looked around.<p>

"Helloooo," said a voice. The voice was ridiculously high.

He looked down. A gnome was standing on the doorstep. "Are yoooouuu Jean?" he asked.

"I-I am," said Jean. "Who are you?"

"Master Arthur has sent meee to find yoooouuu," said the gnome. "Iiiii am his assistaaaaant."

"Okay?" said Jean uncertainly. "Why does he want me?"

But then he was unconscious.

* * *

><p>"Jean? Wake up."<p>

Jean groaned and opened his eyes. Arthur was standing over him. Jean didn't recognize their location.

"Where are we? What happened?" he asked, sitting up.

"We are in my private lab," said Arthur, holding his arms out and gesturing around the room. "Sneals knocked you unconscious and dragged you here." He held out his hand apologetically and helped Jean up.

"_Why_?" asked Jean in exasperation.

Arthur shrugged. "I can't beat it out of him. I tell him once that I don't want anyone to know the exact location and he translated it to knocking people over the head and dragging them through the streets."

"It's necessary, Master."

Jean looked over and saw the gnome from before in the corner. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, glaring at Jean with great dislike.

"No, it isn't, Sneals," said Arthur patiently. "Anyway, I had you brought here because I want you to help me test some new traps."

"Oh, excellent," said Jean.

"Sneals, if you would," said Arthur.

Sneals left the corner and walked into the next room. He stepped into the center of the room and the floor dropped out, fire shooting up to engulf him. Jean started, but Arthur took hold of his arm to hold him back. After the fire dissipated, a rather singed gnome crawled out of the hole.

"It works," said Sneals weakly.

"What…?" asked Jean.

"I made him," said Arthur, "to test my traps, you see. He's impervious to everything except for dragon fire; at least, I haven't found a way to kill him yet. Sneals, the next trap, if you please."

Sneals grumbled and shot a glare at Jean.

* * *

><p>"No," said the war chief.<p>

"No?" asked Isarda.

"No," repeated the war chief. "I'm sorry, but a peace treaty with the elves just isn't in the picture right now."

"Why?" asked Isarda.

"The war between the elves and the orcs is an old one," said the war chief. "A peace treaty isn't going to stop most of my race. Maybe in the future, but not now. You understand, of course."

Isarda nodded solemnly, bowed, and departed.

* * *

><p>Argh, sorry this chapter is so short, I just wanted to get it over with. I'm looking forward to the next chapter and the chapter after that most of all. Also, sorry for the delay of this chapter, I was caught up in Neverwinter Nights. But after a spot of trouble with a white dragon, I ragequit, and here it is.<p>

Hnnng, so many reviews, all from the same person.

**Faleyn **- (1) I love that elf. He'll make another appearance. Yes, the cutting off his arm for directions was one of Randor's finer moments. And I KNOW. Isn't Hooker a great class?

(2) Collecting hands is one of Randor's many quirks, but unfortunately it's the only one we really got to play with. Another was that he was supposed to be afraid of chickens. Lily doesn't _hate_ Randor, but she really doesn't like him. I sometimes wonder why Andrew even joined the game. Tsubaki doesn't do anything, and now he's the reason we can't play because he's never around.

(3) Yes. Jean and Lily have a deep deep hatred for each other.

(4) Lily does have a boyfriend. It was a magical thing. It was after Xant was introduced when I started having the most fun with the game. Hnng I love him so. Randor is amazing. I will give him that. Chaotic Stupid. But amazing.

(5) Not only a virgin, but 2000 years old and never even _kissed_ a girl. I agree, Isarda could've easily been attack by Xant if he hadn't wanted to keep a low profile. And Xant would have won. Easily. I know that a black elf is called a drow. Our Dm for this game plays a drow in another game. But Balder is not a drow. He is an African-American elf. That's what's crazy about it. He's just a black elf.


	12. How to screw over everyone

"Tonight is the night," said Tsubaki over breakfast a couple days later.

"For what?" asked Lily blankly.

"Lily?" said Jean in disbelief. "The night the Brotherhood strikes? Remember?"

"Oh," said Lily. "Right." She had been so caught up in the Brotherhood that she had forgotten that Xant was moving tonight.

"It's okay," said Randor. "I forgot too."

"There's a small problem," said Tsubaki. "There are five stores to go to, and there are only four of us."

"Easily remedied," said Jean. He turned to Isarda and Balder, who were talking quietly at the other end of the table. "Hey, you two. I hate to ask, but we've been assigned to guard a few locations tonight. We're a man short; do you think you could help us out?"

"Oh, um, sure," said Isarda, exchanging a surprised glance with Balder.

"I see no reason why we shouldn't," said Balder.

"What places are they hitting again?" asked Randor.

"The Mystic Emporium, the Couriers Welcome, Dacoriun's Alchemical Crafts, the Dragon's Eye, and the Far Reach Rest," said Tsubaki without missing a beat.

"I'll take the Dragon's Eye," cut in Lily. She already knew that the marble wasn't at the Mystic Emporium, and she wanted to find it to give to Xant.

"We'll guard the Far Reach Rest, if lady Isarda has no objections," said Balder, glancing at her. She smiled and shook her head.

"I'll take Dacoriun's," said Jean.

"I'll go to the Mystic Emporium," suggested Tsubaki.

"I guess that leaves the Couriers Welcome for me," said Randor.

"It's settled then," said Jean. "We'll leave before sunset."

* * *

><p>It was quiet at Dacoriun's Alchemical Crafts. Almost too quiet. Jean sat in the front room, looking around the dimly lit shop. He got the feeling that he wasn't alone. All of a sudden there was a screech above his head.<p>

"_You fucking bastaaaaard_!"

Jean threw himself out of the way as Sneals dropped from the ceiling.

"Sneals?" Jean questioned. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to kill yooooouuu!" he spat. "Yoooouuu stooooole Master from meeeee!"

"What?" said Jean blankly. "I didn't do anything like – hey!"

He dodged as Sneals stabbed at him. The gnome was shrieking insults and threats so fast and high-pitched that it was impossible to tell what he was saying. He stabbed at Jean again and again, never hitting him, though not for lack of trying. Jean dodged and blocked his strikes. Then, before he knew what was happening, Sneals was on the ground, sobbing.

"What's wrong?" asked Jean in alarm.

"M-M-Master doesn't like meee!" wailed Sneals. "He only made meeee to die! He doesn't care aboooouuut meeee! He likes yoooouu. Yoooouu are the apprentice he waaaaaants!"

Jean didn't know what to say. He kneeled down next to Sneals.

"That's not true," said Jean. "You're very useful. Incredible, even! Arthur _needs _you. You can never die! Do you know how important that is for a trap maker? Without you…well, he'd be lost."

"Y-yooouu mean thaaaat?" asked Sneals.

"Yes, Sneals," said Jean.

Sneals cried harder.

* * *

><p>It was dark in the Couriers Welcome. Dark and creepy. Long shadows were cast across the walls and floorboards creaked. Randor held tight to Iltath' Glek, its handle remade by Jean, and wished he had both arms.<p>

He heard a growl upstairs. There was no mistaking it. It was definitely a warning growl. Hesitantly, he walked upstairs, heart hammering, ears pricked. He thought he saw something dart in front of him. He started, and walked forward slowly.

From the darkness, two sickly yellow eyes glared at him. Whatever creature they belonged to growled low in its throat as Randor approached it. Suddenly, it lunged out of the shadows. Six feet tall, covered in hard green scales, long tail thrashing, the dragonkin tackled Randor to the ground.

Carver roared in Randor's face, long yellow fangs inches from his skin. Saliva dripped from Carver's jaws. Flames engulfed Iltath' Glek. Randor swung it, hitting the dragonkin in the side. Carver roared and rolled off Randor, bright red blood, much brighter than a human's, pouring from the wound.

Carver lunged again, but Randor ducked, slashing at his underbelly with his axe. Carver screeched and rounded to face his opponent. His yellow eyes were narrowed, fangs bared. He roared again. Randor snarled and raised his axe. Fire engulfed it.

Carver eyed the flaming axe with a calculating look on his elongated face. He hissed and darted to the wall, climbing up with uncanny speed. There was a hole in the roof. The dragonkin crawled through it and vanished from sight, tail flicking.

"Impressive," said a voice behind Randor. He recognized it as Xander's. Pain exploded at the base of his skull, and everything went dark.

* * *

><p>The bell on the door of the Mystic Emporium tinkled. Tsubaki looked up. A figure, tall, gangling, and pure white, was stepping through the door. Tsubaki stood, raising her bow. The doppelganger grinned.<p>

"Are you going to shoot me?" he sneered. "You've only ever shot me once."

"Have we met?" asked Tsubaki.

"Well, you wouldn't know, would you?" said the doppelganger. "I can become anyone. You would never recognize me. But maybe you'd recognize him."

He changed and Randor stood in front of Tsubaki. He laughed.

"So it was you," said Tsubaki. "I met you in that hallway."

"Yes, and you shot me good, too," he laughed. "And what about her?"

He changed again. A kobold stood in front of Tsubaki. "Do you recognize Meepo, elf-lady? The real Meepo is dead. She refused capture, refused to leave that white dragon wyrmling. Meepo is a good dragon-keeper. Does elf-lady recognize him? This is the first form I approached you in."

He changed into an elf. Tsubaki recognized him as the elf who had tried to seduce her and Lily at the arena. She took a step back in shock. The doppelganger smiled.

"I've had my eye on you for awhile, in one form or another," he laughed. "You are quite beautiful. There is just one thing left for us to do."

He lunged at her, changing to his usual form in mid leap. He tackled her, forcing her to the ground. He knocked her bow out of her hand and held both her wrists against a wooden banister, his long fingers unnaturally strong. He drew a dagger and swung it down. Tsubaki tensed up and squeezed her eyes shut. There was a _thunk_ as the dagger collided with its target.

Tsubaki opened her eyes to see that the doppelganger had stabbed the banister. As he ripped the blade from the wood, the wood followed it, reforming in front of Tsubaki's eyes. A chessboard lay in front of them, dark wooden pieces on one end and light wooden pieces at the other. The doppelganger sat on the side with the dark pieces. He gestured at her to sit down.

"If you win, you can ask me any questions you want, and I swear to answer them truthfully," said the doppelganger. "But if I win, you will become my indentured servant until one of us dies."

"And if I refuse to play?" asked Tsubaki.

"Then I kill you here and have my way with your corpse," said the doppelganger. "After that display, I'd say it really wouldn't be hard."

Tsubaki hesitated, and sat down.

* * *

><p>Isarda and Balder were sitting inside the Far Reach Rest, an awkward silence penetrating the air. They heard a clatter in the next room, both looking at the doorway. Isarda glanced nervously at Balder.<p>

"You stay here," said Balder. "I'll go check it out."

Balder walked cautiously into the next room, vanishing from sight. All was silent, but after a few seconds there was a grunt and a thud as a body hit the ground. A man stepped into the doorway, locking eyes with Isarda. He smiled.

"G'day, Sheila," said the man. He spoke with an Australian accent.

Isarda raised her hand in self-defense. Lightning crackled in her palm. All of a sudden, the man wasn't there anymore. A voice whispered in her ear, while a cloth was placed over her mouth and nose. She immediately began to feel light-headed.

"Tell me, Sheila, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" There was a laugh in his voice.

Isarda's vision went black, and she was falling.

* * *

><p>"Checkmate."<p>

Tsubaki stared at the board in despair. The doppelganger's grin split his face.

"We both know what that means, don't we?" he sneered. "Come on. Follow me."

Tsubaki stood and followed the doppelganger.

* * *

><p>Lily had searched the Dragon's Eye top to bottom. She couldn't find anything that looked even remotely like the marble the Brotherhood was looking for. Her back was to the door. She was bent over, searching underneath the counter. The bell on the door jingled and a second later she felt arms wrap around her waist, a chest pressing against her back.<p>

"I wouldn't be bending over like that in a skirt that short," a voice purred in her ear. "I could see all sorts of naughty things. What if I had been a rapist?"

Lily stood upright and leaned back against his chest. "Hi, Xant," she said. She looked up at him to see that he was in the form she had first met him in. "I haven't found the marble yet. I've been trying though."

"You needn't have bothered," he said, releasing her from his arms. "I know it isn't here. To be honest, we've searched all of the places we're hitting tonight at least once. We usually did it inconspicuously, like we did the Mystic Emporium the other night, so no one realizes that we've done so. You see that pillar? We've broken it apart sixteen different ways."

"If you know it isn't here then why bother coming?" asked Lily.

"Well, you're here, aren't you?" said Xant. "So it's not a _total_ waste of my time. So, what do you say? You want to go out and do something? Paint the town bloody or whatever that saying translates to on this plane?"

"Nothing is going on here," Lily purred. "I don't see why we shouldn't. It's not like the others would catch us, as long as we avoid the other shops."

"Good," said Xant, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Let's go."

The bell on the door jingled again. A man baring two crossbows entered the shop. He looked around the store, his gaze settling on Lily and Xant, his current form making it obvious what he was. He pointed the crossbows at Xant and fired two bolts at him.

Lily almost laughed, remembering her own attempts at shooting him, but she quickly realized that something was wrong. Xant stumbled backwards, both bolts lodged in his torso, doubled up in pain. His eyes were wide and he seemed to be trying not to yell. Dark stains were spreading across the black silk of his shirt around the bolts. He coughed, blue blood trickling down his chin.

"Oh, I'm sorry, does that hurt you?" asked the man. He spoke with a British accent. "Good. It should. They're coated in holy water."

Identical looks of shock passed on Xant's and Lily's faces. Lily grabbed her bow, pointing it at the man. He looked at her with amusement.

"How cute," said the man. "The little girl thinks she's a threat. Now, quiet down while the adults talk." Lily kept her bow pointed at him, but didn't fire. This man could hurt Xant. She didn't want to do anything that would provoke him. The man turned back to the bleeding demon. "Now then, Xant. We have an issue."

"Who are you?" demanded Xant. He tried to pull the bolts from his chest, only to have it burn his fingers with a _ssssss_ that they all heard. He quickly withdrew his fingers, shaking them. "I have no quarrel with you."

"My name is Samuel," said the man. "And I have a quarrel with any filthy, evil abomination who walks where it doesn't belong. I will send you back to Hell in due time, but that's not why I'm here today. I am here because you have something I need. You see, I found the marble ages ago." He reached into his coat and pulled out a powder blue marble, about two inches in diameter. "Unfortunately, I can't decode the damn thing without the cipher. I know you have it. Give it to me, or I kill you."

"What if I don't have it on me?" asked Xant mutinously.

"Then you'd be a liar on top of the scum of the earth," spat Samuel. "You wouldn't leave that thing alone for too long, you demons are too selfish. You're foul, you're evil, and the world would be better off without you. I really should just kill you here and rid the world of your scum, you filthy, evil, spawn of –"

"SHUT UP!" shouted Lily, pulling her bow string taut.

"Oh, oh!" said Samuel, amused, looked over at her. "The little girl is mad now, is she?" Before either of them could react, Samuel had smacked Lily hard across the face, knocking her to the floor. Her bow skidded across the floor. Samuel put his foot on her chest, holding her to the floor. "I don't believe you are familiar with the term 'shut the fuck up while the men are talking, you stupid bitch.'"

"Don't you hurt her!" shouted Xant. He lunged at Samuel, lips curled into a snarl. Samuel shot him again, this time in the knee. Xant fell to the floor with a yell of pain, his flesh sizzling audibly.

"You truly care about this little girl, don't you, Xant?" asked Samuel. He stepped away from her, and she sat up slightly, propping herself on one elbow. Samuel took one of his crossbows off of Xant and pointed it instead at Lily's chest. "In that case, we'll use her as the bargaining chip. The selfish demon wouldn't want what is his taken away, would he, Xant? You will give me the cipher or _she_ will die in your place."

"You…" Xant's eyes widened in horror. He pushed himself to his feet, his shot leg faltering.

"Xant, don't give it to him!" shouted Lily from the floor, her eyes darting from Xant to the crossbow pointed at her. "Xant, don't you dare…"

Xant stood there, his eyes never leaving Samuel. His face was working furiously; he seemed to be undergoing a fierce internal struggle. Eventually he sighed and closed his eyes, his head bowed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the cipher. He threw it underhanded to Samuel, who caught it.

"Smart choice," said Samuel, pocketing it along with the marble. "It's too bad for you; I was going to kill her anyway."

He pulled the trigger.

* * *

><p>Hey, look, <em>everyone's<em> fucked this time. Oh, wait, Jean is kind of in a good place. Damn it! I wanted everyone to be fucked.

Next chapter, my favorite event of the whole campaign happens. You'll be able to tell what that is by the chapter title when it goes up.

I have a love-hate relationship with Samuel. I hate him for the same reasons Lily does, which at this moment only involve the many insults and overall sexist behavior, but will get much worse. Yet I love the way he's played. And dat accent. I know Britain is like Australia; in the D&D world it doesn't exist; but how else do I describe the accent?


	13. How to make a demon cum

Isarda noticed two things when she came to: that she was chained to a wall, and that the man who had knocked her out was standing in front of her.

"It's about time you woke up, love," he said. "Unfortunately chloroform lasts longer than a blow to the head. We've been having fun with your boyfriend while waiting on you."

"What do you want with me?" asked Isarda.

"Nothing, really," said the man. "We just thought we'd have some fun before we kill you."

"What kind of fun?" asked Isarda fearfully. "What are you going to do with me?"

"Oh, the usual, y'know, torture, rape, etcetera, etcetera," said the man, waving his hand as though he didn't find the details important. "At least that's what I'm going to do to you. I don't know about the boss, but you can probably count the rape out with him. Did you know he's still a virgin? He's two thousand years old!" The man laughed.

"What have you done with Balder?" demanded Isarda.

"See for yourself, Sheila," said the man.

Balder was kicked into the room by two guards. He was a mess. Blood drenched the tattered remains of his clothes, great lacerations coating his body. As Isarda watched, blood began to pool under him. He moaned and stirred feebly. The man walked over and kicked him onto his back, planting a foot on his throat.

"Compared to what we're gonna do to you, this elf here is going to look like he scraped a knee," said the man with a cruel laugh.

* * *

><p>Jean was waiting in the main hallway of the Brotherhood, waiting for Arthur and Sneals, who had run off. There were footsteps coming down the hall towards him, coming from the direction of the trapdoor. A man with two crossbows walked down the hall, humming to himself. He spotted Jean and stopped.<p>

"I am here to kill all the members of this demon-led cult," he said. He spoke with a British accent. "But you…you're with the group who was employed to stop the Brotherhood, aren't you?"

"Yes," said Jean.

"Then it might interest you to know that I've taken care of one of your own," said Samuel. "That redhead woman with the fancy bow. Sorry. Had to be done. I had to hurt the demon and I figured killing her was the easiest way to do that."

"Taken care of her?" asked Jean. "Why? What did Lily do?"

"Well, for starters, she's been betraying all of you since your little rescue mission here," said Samuel.

"Oh," said Jean. "Well. That would explain a lot."

* * *

><p>"Please, doppelganger," said Tsubaki as they walked through the halls where they had met with him under the guise of Randor. "Let me see my friends."<p>

"I'm taking you to the scrying pool," said the doppelganger. "I figured you'd want to do that before you became my servant for life."

"You…what?" asked Tsubaki.

"You see, I'm not a total asshole," said the doppelganger. He had led her to a device much like the one in the sitting room of the mansion. "Say their name and it'll show you them. Make it quick."

"Jean," said Tsubaki.

The pool rippled and she saw an image of Jean. He was speaking to a man with two crossbows. They appeared to be in the Brotherhood headquarters as well. The man walked off.

"Randor," said Tsubaki.

Randor also appeared to be in the Brotherhood headquarters. He was sitting in a room, his eyes on the door. He appeared to be waiting for it to open.

"Lily," said Tsubaki.

She almost screamed when the image came on the screen. Even the doppelganger reacted, stepping forward to get a better look.

"Lily!" Tsubaki cried.

"Boss?" said the doppelganger in a stunned voice.

Lily was limp, unmistakably dead. A crossbow bolt was protruding from her heart, a dark circle of blood spreading through her shirt. Her eyes were closed. The most shocking part of this image, however, wasn't Lily's corpse.

The demon that had attacked Randor and tried to recruit Tsubaki and Lily was there. Tsubaki would have wondered why he was there if she wasn't so busy puzzling over what he was doing. He was on his knees, Lily's body across his lap. He was holding her tightly, close to his chest. He was crying.

The screen flickered and went black. Tsubaki continued to stare at it, as though the grieving demon were still etched upon its surface.

* * *

><p>Xant held Lily tightly to his body, as though letting go of her would mean her departing. His face was buried in her hair, tears streaming from his tightly closed eyes. He was too late. Samuel had gotten her before he could save her.<p>

Lily watched him from above. It was an odd sight, seeing her own dead body and Xant sobbing over it. She felt a pull, as if something were calling her. She knew. It was time for her to depart this plane.

But before she could leave, Xant looked up. His eyes were open, and she could tell they were reddening even without the whites. He looked directly at her, locking eyes with her.

"It's not that easy," he snarled viciously, his voice quite steady.

He reached out and grabbed her wrist, incorporeal though it was. He yanked her downward, thrusting her back into her body. Lily was jerked awake with a gasp. She took several deeps breaths, looking from the crossbow bolt in her heart to Xant and back again.

Xant wrapped his hand around the bolt. The holy water coating it burned him, his flesh sizzling with a loud _ssssss_, smoke coming from his palm, but he ignored the pain and yanked the bolt out, throwing it to a far corner. Lily barely winced; the shock of what had just happened was too great.

Lily moved her gaze up to his face, but he wasn't looking at her. He was sniffing and hurriedly wiping his face with his sleeve, trying to erase all signs that he had been crying.

"We should go," said Xant finally. There was a resigned note in his voice. "We shouldn't linger here much longer than we have t – M-mmph!"

Lily had grabbed him by the back of the head and forced his head down, meeting him halfway and crushing their lips together. Xant's eyes widened, pure shock etched across his face. Lily pushed her tongue past his lips, pressing gently at his tongue. When Lily finally broke the kiss and slid off his lap, he could only stare.

"Uh," he said. His eyes slid down to his crotch and a blush crawled up his cheeks. His eyes darted from her to his crotch repeatedly. "Uh, we, um, we should, um, uh, g-go. Uh, now."

"Hold on, we need to get rid of these first," said Lily. She yanked the crossbow bolt out of his knee.

"Augh! Shit, that – that actually feels immensely better already," he said. "It's not burning anymore."

Lily pulled the other two out of his torso and helped him to his feet. Xant shifted uncomfortably, glancing at his crotch and blushing deeper. Lily glanced down too, his pants tight enough to show that he didn't have an erection. So that must mean…

"You didn't," she said with an amused smile on her lips.

"I did," said Xant hoarsely.

"Over a kiss?"

"It was my first. It was sudden and took me by surprise. I couldn't help it."

Lily looked like she was trying hard not to laugh. Xant turned towards the door.

"Come on, we need to get out of here," said Xant.

Lily ran up to him, hooking her arm around his. "Xant?"

"Hm?"

Lily leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you," she said. "Thanks for saving my life."

"Please don't tell anyone I jizzed myself, please," said Xant in a very low voice.

* * *

><p>Tsubaki continued to stare at the screen in horror. The doppelganger had left to check out the rest of the base. She heard footsteps behind her, but she didn't turn.<p>

"Oh, hello," said a voice quite unlike the doppelganger.

Tsubaki turned around. It was the man she had seen with Jean. He was still holding both crossbows, but he had lost a lot of bolts since she had seen him last.

"You're one of the people employed by the war chief, aren't you?" he asked.

"Yes," said Tsubaki.

"Well, it might interest you to know that I may have killed one of your own," he said.

"It was you who shot Lily?" demanded Tsubaki.

"I had to," said Samuel. "She was evil, for one thing. For another, she was betraying you all and being a toy for that demon."

"Why was Xant there?" asked Tsubaki.

"Oh, she and him have been meeting in secret," said Samuel. "If I didn't stop it they might have eloped or something and then there would be little half-demons running around, and evil or not I'm not sure I could smite a child."

"So you…you killed her?" said Tsubaki.

"I had to hurt the abomination in some way, and I figure killing something he was just using would hurt him more than killing him," said Samuel simply.

"How do you know he's only using her?" asked Tsubaki.

"He's a demon. They can't love," said Samuel. "And she doesn't love him. She's attracted to his power, but there is no love there, none. She's just…Oh. Now there is something I did not expect." Samuel stared at the wall, eyes unfocused as he appeared to go into a trance.

"What?" asked Tsubaki.

Samuel blinked and looked at her. "He gave up his soul for her," he said in disbelief.

"What does that mean?" asked Tsubaki.

"As her soul was departing he traded his own soul for hers," said Samuel. "But that…that is a crime against the very code of a demon. What he has done has only one punishment. He has seven days to slaughter seven hundred people, or his soul will be purged."

"Purged?" asked Tsubaki.

"Yes," said Samuel. "He will be dragged back into Hell and tortured for eternity." He looked down and seemed to be talking to himself. "But he…he must know this! I know he knew the consequences of this before he did it! But then…this makes no sense! He just gave up his life…but…no! Demons can't love! It's against their very nature!"

Samuel turned and walked out of the room, still muttering to himself.

* * *

><p>"Unfortunately, we need to wrap this up," said the man. "I have you, and I also have this barbarian that Xander needs to torture. So we're just going to finish this up. It's been fun, mate."<p>

The man swung his knife down and plunged it into Balder's throat. Balder choked and sputtered, blood gushing from his mouth. Isarda saw the light fade from his eyes.

"No…" Tears filled her eyes. "No…! Balder! BALDER!"

Isarda's chains snapped. Her eyes turned pure white. She raised her hands. An enormous ball of fire, wall to wall, floor to ceiling, filled the room. The man tried to run down a hallway, but Isarda shot the fireball down the hallway. It hit the man, who screamed. Right behind it was a ball of ice the same size. The man's screams filled the room. Then, a ringing silence fell.

Isarda's eyes turned blue again. She ran to Balder's side.

"Balder!" she cried. "Balder! No! No! No, no, no, no…"

Isarda threw herself onto his chest and sobbed. Suddenly, she felt a pair of hands close around her neck. They jerked her upwards and forced her around to face her attacker.

It was gruesome sight. An elf was holding her throat, covered in burns. All of his hair had burned off, parts of his scalp still on fire. One eye was dangling from its socket. Most of his flesh had melted away, his muscles showing. He no longer had any lips.

"You can't get rid of me that easily," growled Xander. "You can't kill both of us…"

Xander's hands tightened around her throat, cutting off her air supply. Isarda choked and struggled, trying to kick Xander off while she tried to pry his hands off. Then, without warning, Xander fell sideways, his hands sliding off of Isarda, who choked and gasped, massaging her neck. She looked down at the corpse to see that he had a crossbow bolt sticking out of his skull.

"Split personality," said a voice. "This place is just full of surprises."

Isarda turned her back on Samuel and threw herself on Balder again. Samuel walked up to her.

"Hey," he said. "Move."

Isarda looked up at Samuel. He was looking at Balder with pity in his eyes.

"Move," he repeated. "I can help him."

Isarda hesitantly got off of Balder and backed away. Samuel pointed the crossbow at Balder and shot a bolt straight into his heart. Balder gasped as air flooded his lungs. He pushed himself up into sitting position, taking great gulps of air. He turned his gaze to Isarda.

"M…my lady?" he choked.

"Balder?" she said in disbelief. "Balder!" She threw herself on him, crying.

"Hey, you two!"

They both looked up to see Randor running towards them. "I was just set free by a guy with a funny accent. He told me that you were down here. Then he said something about 'cleansing this place of evil' and took off. I don't know where he went."

* * *

><p>Even without the presence of Lily, the mansion was a lot more crowded than usual. In the sitting room were Jean, Tsubaki, Randor, Isarda, Balder, Arthur, Sneals, and the doppelganger. As Jean and Tsubaki had both heard news of her death, no one was questioning the absence of Lily.<p>

"Samuel has been a thorn in our side for awhile, but he wouldn't have made a move like that unless he had both the marble and the cipher," said Arthur finally, after a long moment of silence. "He's going to try to find the shipment. I could send some underlings to keep tabs on him, see where he moves."

"That's going to be tough, seeing as we don't have any underlings anymore," said a voice. Everyone looked up. Xant was walking into the room, hand-in-hand with Lily.

"Lily!" exclaimed both Jean and Tsubaki, though in very different tones.

"Boss!" said Arthur. "You're okay!"

"Why wouldn't I be?" asked Xant.

"Samuel made a move on us," said Arthur. "That means he must have gotten the cipher from you, didn't he?"

Xant bowed his head. "He did," he said. "Bastard bargained with me, using something I couldn't lose. He didn't even try to fight me. It's not like I could, his bolts were coated in holy water." His hand tightened on Lily's slightly. "Anyway," he said. "Samuel did indeed make a move. We were just at the headquarters. Everyone's dead, and Samuel is gone. He even took out that obvious spy, that Valthalun guy."

"In that case, Sneals and I will keep tabs on him," said Arthur.

"I think I had better do that, actually," said the doppelganger. "I'd blend in better, and if he got suspicious I can always become someone else."

There were nods of agreement, none nodding harder than Tsubaki. Xant sat down in the only empty chair, pulling Lily down to sit on his lap. This caused raised eyebrows from Jean and Tsubaki. Lily glared at them as if daring them to say something about it. Randor, however, had eyes only for Xant.

"You cut off my arm," he said in a voice that was very much like a growl.

Xant looked at him strangely. Then a look of dawning comprehension crossed his face as he remembered Randor. "Yes, I did, didn't I?" he said casually.

Randor stood, his hand gripping his axe. "You cut off my fucking arm!" he shouted at Xant.

Xant shrugged. "Sorry," he said, not sounding sorry at all. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. It's not like it was going to heal."

"I'm gonna fucking kill you!" shouted Randor, raising his axe.

Before he could move, he had a bolt of energy pointing at his face. Lily pulled the bowstring back farther.

"You will do no such thing," she hissed.

Jean stood and moved to Randor's side, hammer drawn. Xant simply took her wrist and lowered her arm, pointing the bow downwards with a mutter of, "Not your fight, dear."

Randor and Lily glared at each other before Randor spat at Xant's feet and stomped off to his room. Silence rang around the sitting room before Jean cleared his throat.

"I'm fairly certain that there are enough rooms for all of you, if you want to stay here," he said.

"Xant can stay in my room," Lily announced, getting off of Xant's lap. "Come on, I'll show you…"

"I know where your room is," said Xant. This statement caused more raised eyebrows.

Jean stepped in front of Xant, blocking his path. "There's only one bed per room, you know," he said.

"I highly doubt Lily will find that a problem," Xant replied with a smirk, pushing past him.

The two of them departed up the stairs. Everyone stared after them with some level of shock on their faces.

"So," said the doppelganger finally. "Those two."

"Yeah," said Tsubaki. "There's a plot twist for you. Is anyone else uneasy about having a demon under our roof?"

"Oh, come now, the boss is actually quite a nice guy once you get to know him," said Arthur.

* * *

><p>Xander and Australian Man were the same person, in case that wasn't clear. That was what our DM called "A bullshit way to get rid of two characters at once, because I'm running out of time."<p>

I changed the conversation topic on Skype after this session to "Chris' D&D Game: How to die and stay dea - oh, wait." Three people came back to life in this session if you count Xander/Australian Man. Which I do.

So yes, I made Xant jizz in his pants. And yes, I was listening to "Jizz In My Pants" when writing out that part. But I really did make him cum in game. THAT is probably my favorite moment of the game. I didn't even tell the DM in advance that I was going to kiss him. Unfortunately, if you notice, he did have an expiration date put on him.


	14. How to say Oh shit

The doppelganger left the next morning before anyone else had gotten up to track down Samuel. Jean, Balder, Arthur, and Sneals all worked together on the mechanical arm, with Randor looking in to see how it was going to work. Lily and Xant spent the next few days away from the rest of them, usually leaving early and not returning back to the mansion until late at night. Arthur, who knew Xant very well, was the only one to notice that as time passed, he grew more and more depressed, his cheerful mood not as sincere as the others believed.

The doppelganger had been gone for two days when Tsubaki left the mansion. She was bored, and there was little for her to do. As she left the area to enter the city, she saw Lily and Xant in his human form a short ways away, lying on a hill, Lily with her head contentedly on Xant's chest. She wondered if this had been what they had been doing the past two days.

Tsubaki wandered through the city, not really having a destination. A door to her right burst open and an elderly man stormed out, whacking a wolverine with a broom.

"Out! Out!" the old man shouted. "Out, you goddamn pests!"

"Excuse me, sir," said Tsubaki. "Is there a problem?"

"You bet there's a goddamn problem," snapped the man. "That goddamn wolverine queen or some such made a burrow right under my goddamn house and now I got the goddamn pests all over my kitchen!"

"Maybe I could help you out," said Tsubaki.

"If you could, I'd be indebted to you, lass," said the old man. "Here, I'll show you where the mites are coming out of."

He led Tsubaki into his house and into his kitchen. In the corner of the room there was an enormous hole, leading downwards.

"I've tried plugging the hole, but they just reopen it again," said the old man.

"I can take care of this for you," said Tsubaki.

The hole was just big enough for her to fit through. She stepped down into the hole and followed the passage underground. The size of the crudely carved tunnels astounded her. They were high enough for her to stand upright. The bones of small animals littered the floor. The tunnel was decently lit by more passages leading to the outside world.

Tsubaki continued down the main path, until she saw a large chamber ahead. She walked into the chamber and saw her. A dire wolverine. Twelve feet long, she was curled up in the middle of the passage. Tsubaki approached her cautiously. She knew that she didn't want to fight the dire wolverine. She wanted to do something else entirely.

* * *

><p>"Hey, guys, look what I found," Tsubaki said happily that evening when she returned to the mansion.<p>

"What the hell is _that_?" asked Xant. He and Lily were currently situated on the roof and were looking down at Tsubaki. How they got up there was anyone's guess.

"Dire wolverine," called Tsubaki. "I tamed her. Let me tell you, that took most of the day."

"Have fun with that," called Lily. She grabbed Xant by the collar and kissed him. He kissed back and pushed Lily onto her back.

Tsubaki rolled her eyes and went inside, her new wolverine following her. When she entered the sitting room, she was surprised to see the doppelganger had returned. Everyone was in the sitting room. Randor was in the corner, trying out his new mechanical arm, which had been fitted to his shoulder earlier that day.

"There you are," said the doppelganger. "You're here and – that is a dire wolverine. Why…? Nevermind. Now we just need Lily and the boss. Where _are_ those two; this is important."

"Xant is currently on the roof with his tongue down Lily's throat," said Tsubaki.

"I really did not need that mental image," said the doppelganger. "Someone go and get them."

"I'll go," said Jean. He got up and walked out of the room. They heard the front door shut. They also heard his yell, loud and clear. "Hey! You two! Stop fucking each other on the roof and get down here! The doppelganger is back!"

Jean walked back into the room and sat down with an air of accomplishment. A few minutes later, Xant and Lily joined them, both looking distinctly disheveled.

"We weren't _fucking_," said Lily with an angry glare at Jean.

"It was a near thing," said Jean.

"If we had been, you would know it," said Lily. "We would've been making a lot more noise."

"Doppelganger!" said Xant, abruptly changing the subject. He couldn't stop the faint pink from dusting his cheeks, however. "You're back! This is good news, I suppose."

"If you can call this good," said the doppelganger. "Samuel has figured out the code. He's heading there now. It's a warehouse in the docks district; not too far from us. We might be able to beat him there if we leave now."

"You know where exactly it is?" asked Xant.

"I was there when the big, shiny map came out of the marble," confirmed the doppelganger. "Lurking in the shadows is what I do best."

"Excellent," said Xant. "So, we leave immediately?"

* * *

><p>"Is this it?" asked Jean fifteen minutes later. "It's tiny!"<p>

It was indeed tiny. It was also very noticeable. Huge warehouses sat on either side of this shack. It was rickety, and looked as though it would fall apart at any time. Xant walked up to it with his hand outstretched.

"There you go!" he said as his hand disappeared up to the wrist. "An illusion, no doubt to keep the shipment safe." He pulled his hand back to see his nails were claw like, such as they were in his half-demon form. He shook his hand and his nails returned to normal. "Looks as if we can't have any illusions in here. I'll go first, shall I?"

Xant stepped forward and disappeared entirely. Lily followed him next. On the other side of the illusion was a warehouse far bigger than the ones on either side of it. She looked at Xant. He was in his half-demon form, green eyes looking the warehouse over.

"Whoa," said a voice behind them. The others were all entering the illusion as a group. Jean walked forward, ahead of all the rest of them.

"Shall we storm the front door?" he asked before charging forward.

"No, wait!" shouted Arthur. "There might be –! …Traps."

Lily was doubled up, laughing uncontrollably as Jean fell. He had activated a portal on the ground that he had fallen through. The portal opened up right above the first one, so that he fell in an endless loop. Arthur sighed and facepalmed.

"Someone get him out of there," he said with a disappointed note in his voice.

Xant walked up and stuck his hand in the space between the two portals, grabbing Jean by the collar and yanking him out of the loop. The portals closed once Jean had left them. Xant looked down at Jean, sitting on the ground.

"Let's try the back door," he said with a tone of amusement. Lily was still laughing, and she wasn't the only one.

Everyone had managed to control themselves by the time they got around the back. Xant opened the door and went in first, with the rest going in after him. Except for Tsubaki's dire wolverine, who she commanded to stay at the door and guard it.

Samuel was in the center of the warehouse, several crates in front of him. He was doing something very odd indeed. He was taking strange, metal sticks from the boxes and banging them together. When he did that, they merged. He looked up and saw them.

"I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to do this quietly," he said. "Give me a moment, would you? I'm almost done."

He merged a few more guns together and stepped back, pulling out another gun the same size from behind the crates. He weighed the revolvers in his hands, feeling them. Then he turned back to the party.

"Now then," he said. "Let's see how well these work."

He pointed both guns at Tsubaki and pulled the triggers. With an almighty _bang_, a ball of fire shot out of one of the guns; the other shot a ball of ice. Tsubaki flinched and squeezed her eyes shut. She heard the sounds of the bullets hit flesh and opened her eyes.

The doppelganger was standing in front of her, swaying, two massive holes in his chest. Ignoring the blood pouring down his body, he charged at Samuel. Samuel ducked and flipped the doppelganger over his back, firing two more shots into his back as the doppelganger skidded across the floor. He lay face down and didn't get up.

"I'd say they work pretty well," said Samuel happily.

Xant walked towards Samuel, standing defensively in front of the rest of the group. Weapons were drawn and pointed at Samuel. He scanned the group calmly, his eyes settling on Xant last.

"Xant," he said in surprise. "I wasn't expecting to see you here. Well, I suppose that was my fault for not waiting you out. You've got, what, four days left to live now, is it?"

"_WHAT_?"

Xant and Samuel both looked over at Lily. She had dropped her bow slightly and was looking from Xant to Samuel and back with an expression of horror on her face.

"He's lying," she said in a shaking voice. "Xant, tell me he's lying…"

"I assure you, love, I am _not_ lying," said Samuel. "I don't lie. And Xant, shame on you. You sacrifice yourself for a slut that doesn't even love you and then you don't even tell her? Tsk, tsk."

"Excuse me?" shouted Lily, pointing her bow at Samuel again. "Who are you to decide that? Xant…please." She looked back at him, her eyes pleading with him. But the expression on his face told all she needed to know. She slowly turned her gaze back to Samuel, her expression furious.

"It's funny how all your weapons are pointed at me," said Samuel. "It's not me who you'll be fighting this evening."

"What are you talking about?" demanded Balder.

At that moment there was a huge crash and the wall behind Samuel was broken down. A half-orc came flying through it, smacking into the wall and slumping down it. Lupin did not move. An ancient wyrm red dragon slunk his way through the hole, still baring signs of his constant battle with Lupin.

"You'll be fighting that!" said Samuel. "Have fun!" He disappeared.

The dragon caught sight of them. He stalked to the center of the room, past the crates Samuel had been sorting through. He roared.

* * *

><p>That's how you say "Oh shit."<p>

The portal trap was so funny, you have no idea.

So yes, Tsubaki finally has her Ranger Animal Companion. Five levels late, I might add. Yes, I haven't been keeping track of levels for this fic, but the campaign started at level three, and at this point in time, we're all level nine. Her wolverine doesn't even do anything! We're about to fight a dragon and Andrew "doesn't want to get my new wolverine killed" so it's guarding the door! If it didn't have significance in the sequel, I wouldn't even include it. Sorry the details are sketchy, but I went to get food at this time when we were playing and missed a bit. Besides, all that happened was Andrew rolled, Chris told him how many hours it took to tame it, and we did the appropriate time skip.

I forgot to say this in the last chapter. After Lily kissed Xant, her alignment changed from Neutral Evil to Chaotic Neutral. This is important later, so I'm saying it now.


	15. How to slay a dragon

The dragon growled at them, flames licking up from his nostrils. His orange gaze settled on Xant and his growl became more like a whine of fear. He knew what Xant was.

Xant ran up to the dragon, reaching over his shoulder and grabbing at the air. Inside his fist, a hilt formed. A greatsword materialized from the hilt down, and Xant drew it, slicing it across the dragon's chest. The blade of the sword was a deep navy blue; purple shadows wavered around it. It was clearly a demonic blade.

Sneals ran up to the dragon and punched it in the side. Jean, Balder, and Randor all ran up next to Xant, Balder snatching the longsword off of Xant's hip as he lacked his own weapon. Tsubaki fired an arrow at the dragon. Lily drew back her bow and stood there, charging it. Arthur stood next to her, his hands together, chanting something in Draconic. Isarda ran around behind the dragon, ducking as he swept his tail.

The dragon turned to the one that was easiest to kill. He shot a short burst of fire on Sneals. Sneals melted in the flames, leaving nothing but a puddle.

Tsubaki fired another arrow, bouncing harmlessly off the dragon's scales. Lily released her arrow, feeling her own energy leave with it. It hit the dragon between the scales. He roared and rounded on Lily.

"Oh, no you don't!" shouted Xant, slicing the greatsword across the dragon's throat. The dragon hissed in pain and turned back to Xant.

Jean, Balder and Randor all hit the dragon with their respective weapons, but they seemed to do little against the diamond-hard, crimson scales. Arthur finished his spell. A ball of black, crackling shadow, half the size of the dragon, went firing towards the dragon. It smacked him in the side. He staggered thirty feet with a roar of pain. Arthur swayed and fell to the ground, unconscious.

There was a huge crackle of electricity and a huge lightning bolt struck the dragon as Isarda flanked him. The dragon ran back and smacked Balder with a clawed paw, sending him reeling. Balder fell to the ground and did not get up.

Lily pulled back her bow, charging another bolt of energy. She couldn't afford to not charge it, even at the cost of her own life energy. Tsubaki shot another arrow, but again it did little. Jean smacked it in the shoulder with his warhammer, managing to dent the scales. Randor, Iltath' Glek aflame, used the strength of his new arm to drive the axe through the scales. Xant stabbed the dragon in the chest. The dragon hissed and brought his claws down on Xant, but Xant raised the greatsword and blocked it a hairsbreadth from his head. A ball of fire from Isarda hit the dragon in the back, but he barely noticed it.

Lily hit him with another charged bolt, feeling herself get weaker by the second. Tsubaki tried once again to hit him with an arrow, managing to hit his soft underbelly. Randor hit him with Iltath' Glek, once more managing to crack the scales. Jean swung at it, but the dragon swiped at him and hit, throwing Jean across the room to land near Lupin. His warhammer went skidding across the floor.

Xant took a quick glance around to see that they were going to lose this fight. He had to do something to even the odds. He plunged the greatsword into the ground. A translucent purple shadow formed around him from the sword, settling around him in a dome. He knelt, both hands gripping the hilt of the greatsword, and bowed his head as though in prayer. His eyes were still open, glowing brightly. He chanted something in Abyssal, the demonic words hissing off his tongue like a snake.

The dragon heard the Abyssal chant and stared at Xant, his eyes wide with fear. He brought down his claws on Xant, but the shadowed dome stopped him. He breathed fire on the dome, but nothing happened. Nothing could hurt Xant while he was inside the dome. Lily puzzled at what he was doing while she charged a third arrow.

Xant was growing. Muscles were bulging in his arms, back, and chest. Two huge, bat-like wings sprouted from his back with two great cracking sounds and spread. His skin was darkening to a purple-grey. His nose flattened and was replaced with two snake-like slits for nostrils. Fangs grew in his mouth and his lips disappeared. His nails grew into long, wicked looking claws. His glowing green eyes acquired cat-like slits for pupils. His horns curved around the front, the tips black and wickedly sharp. The shadowed dome dissipated and reformed around the greatsword as the full demon wrenched it out of the ground.

The dragon roared in terror and backed up. Xant grinned and laughed. His voice was now gravelly and deep, and it had a slight echo to it. The dragon reared up. Xant leaped, driving the greatsword up to the hilt at the base of the neck and dragging it down all the way to the tail. The dragon screeched in agony.

Another charged bolt struck the dragon in the neck. Lily was beginning to feel seriously weak now. A cone of ice hit the dragon from behind.

Jean looked down at Lupin. He had two axes in his hands. Making a split-second decision, he grabbed the one in Lupin's left hand and hurled it at the dragon. As it hit the base of the dragon's neck, a ring of ice encased his throat.

Xant hit the ground again. He was shrinking, his muscles not as prominent. His wings folded into his back and disappeared. His skin was lightening. His teeth and nails returned to normal. Back in his half-demon form, he swayed, supporting himself with the greatsword. He looked absolutely exhausted.

The dragon spread his wings and took to the sky, firing a great line of fire at his attackers. Randor was the only one who didn't dodge in time. He fell to the ground and did not move. Jean ran across the warehouse, diving to grab his warhammer. Isarda cast fly on herself, rising up to the dragon's height. Xant chose the more direct approach of leaping into the air and landing on the dragon's back.

Lily, deciding it was no longer safe to charge her bow, fired an arrow at the dragon, doing just a bit more than Tsubaki, whose arrows still had little effect.

The dragon shot a ball of fire at each of them. Lily and Tsubaki managed to duck, but one of them caught Jean, who fell and did not move. Another caught Isarda. She fell out of the air and hit the ground hard, knocking her unconscious. Xant stabbed the dragon between the shoulder blades. Lily and Tsubaki both shot the dragon with arrows.

The dragon was weakening. Great puddles of blood were forming on the ground underneath him. He turned towards the girls and flapped his wings, attempting to blow them over. Lily and Tsubaki both managed to stay standing, bracing themselves against the wind. Xant, however, was thrown violently off the dragon's back, landing with a _smack_ on the ground. Painfully, he dragged himself to his feet, wincing.

Xant leapt one last time. He swung the greatsword above his head, slicing the dragon's throat right below his head. The dragon screeched and fell with a huge _bang_. He did not attempt to stand. Xant walked up and raised the greatsword, preparing to stab.

"Enough!" shouted the dragon. "I'm done. Do not kill me, demon."

Xant faltered and lowered the sword. He glared at the dragon in contempt.

"How did you get here?" he asked.

"Samuel summoned me," replied the dragon. "He said that he would free me from my eternal fight with the half-orc if I managed to kill you. But I have been bested, and he is not here to return me to that cursed arena."

"Get out of here, then," spat Xant, "before I change my mind about killing you."

He turned his back on the dragon and took a step towards the crates. Behind him he heard a deep laugh. He looked over his shoulder to see the dragon laughing, still lying on the ground.

"Is something funny?" he spat at the dragon.

"You are weakening, demon," said the dragon in amusement. "I can sense it. You sold your soul back to Hell, and you are weakening for it. You don't have much longer for this world. And why? For a stupid, human slut who won't live long enough for it to make a difference."

Xant let out a yell of rage and drove the greatsword into the dragon's orange eye all the way up to the hilt. The dragon let out a great sigh and his eyes glazed over. He would never move again.

Xant wrenched the greatsword out of the dragon's lifeless eye and stumbled over the crates. He dropped the sword and gripped one of the crates with both hands, his limbs shaking. Without Xant holding onto it, the sword faded and vanished. He still looked dead tired, as if he might fall over at any moment. Lily ran over to him and helped him sit down, allowing him to lean on her. She kneeled down next to him. He was very pale.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"I just feel weak," said Xant. "I haven't had to use my full power in too long. It was…consuming."

"Will you be okay?" she asked.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me," said Xant.

Tsubaki was walking around to each of the others, bringing them around. After she had revived about half of them, Lupin stirred.

"The dragon?" he groaned. He saw the corpse of the dragon and sighed in relief. "Where is my other axe? Who took it?"

"I took it," said Jean, who was sitting up. "I used it to help fight the beast."

Before Jean knew what was happening, he was in the air. Lupin's hand was closed around his throat, holding him several feet off the ground.

"If you ever take my axe again, I will _end you_," he said in what sounded like a mix between a hiss and a growl. "You got that? I will fucking end you!"

Jean nodded frantically and Lupin dropped him, choking and coughing, to the floor. He picked up his other axe and walked out of the warehouse. They never saw him again.

* * *

><p>"So that is where we stand," said Arthur when they had all returned to the mansion. Night had fallen. "Samuel has the guns, and they work. They are…death. But he…he has to be stopped. He's insane. How are we going to stop him? …I…I don't know."<p>

Xant looked shocked. Arthur always knew all the answers. Always.

Arthur swallowed and cleared his throat. He looked around at the rest of them. "I'm not gonna lie to you all," he said in a shaking voice. "I'm scared."

Silence met his words. Arthur sat down and nobody spoke or moved for a long time. Xant finally stood up.

"Well," he said. "I have something urgent that I need to take care of. I'll be back in two days, at the most."

"Oh, no, you won't!" cried Lily, standing up and grabbing his wrist. "You have got some serious explaining to do!"

"Lily," said Xant. He didn't look at her. "Now is not the time for that."

"Then when?" demanded Lily, her voice quite a bit higher than usual. "When are you going to tell me everything you haven't told me?"

Xant turned and met her eyes. "When I get back, we'll have a talk, and I'll answer any questions you may have," he said gently. "I'll be back in two days." He vanished, and Lily was suddenly gripping thin air.

"_When you get back, you and I are going to have such a talk_!" she shrieked to the spot where he had been standing. "_Do you hear me, Xant_?_ You…_!"

With a dry sob, she turned and ran up the stairs to her room. Everyone heard her door slam loudly. No one knew what to say.

* * *

><p>We went into that fight with nine people. Only three of us were left standing at the end of it. Still, we had only one death during the fight, so I'd call it a success. Poor Sneals. Only weak to dragon fire. If it's to interest of anyone, the dragon has 6000 hit points. Arthur did 500-something and then failed his fortitude save. When Xant went full demon, he did 2000 damage to it. I'm dating this badass.<p>

"The dragon takes off into the air. What do?" "Can I charge my bow again?" "I dunno. Why don't you try it." "Uh, okay, I charge my bow." "He hits you with a fireball and you die. The end." "OKAY NO I OMIT THAT."  
>^ The reason I stopped charging my bow.<p>

Was the dragon's comment about Lily's lifespan foreshadowing or just a comment on a human's lifespan in comparison? I can't tell you because I don't know myself! God damn, we need to play...

Anyone out there watch the original Yugioh, or Yugioh abridged? Xant looks like Zorc. Only significantly smaller and without the huge dragon-head penis. Easiest way I could think to describe him. Xant is Zorc.

Why does everyone call Lily stupid? She has an 18 Intelligence score...she's very smart.

Cookie to everyone who caught the Good Will Hunting reference our DM threw in there.


	16. How to take a demon's virginity

**WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A VERY EXPLICIT SEX SCENE!**

**This chapter does, however, contain an extremely important plot point. If you do not wish to read the sex scene, stop reading at the # and pick back up again at the ruler breaking up this chapter.**

Saying in advance, NO the DM and I did NOT roleplay the sex scene out. Why did I write it then, instead of implying it like the DM did? Three reasons. One, this is pretty much the only time I get creative license here. Two, without this scene, the chapter would've been ridiculously short, because I was still going to end it at the same place. Three, I'm 17. I couldn't help it.

* * *

><p>The rest of them barely saw Lily the next two days. She came down to eat once a day, but otherwise stayed holed up in her room, not speaking to anyone even when she came down. Every now and again she was seen from the outside, sitting on the balcony rail and staring out over the horizon. On the third day of Xant's absence, they didn't see her at all, though there was a very thick, worried air around her bedroom door.<p>

Night had fallen on the third day when the front door opened. Balder walked out of the sitting room to investigate and saw Xant in his human form closing the door behind him. Balder leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

"You, sir, are late," he said.

"I know," said Xant. "It took longer than I'd hoped. Much longer."

"It's not polite to keep a lady waiting," said Balder. "Especially one as worried as Lily. She's terrified for you, master Xant."

"I know, I know," he said. "Where is she? I get the feeling that she's going to have some very choice things to say to me."

"In her room, where she's been the past three days," answered Balder, turning and returning to the sitting room.

"Great," Xant said to himself. He started up the stairs.

Lily was lying on her stomach on the bed, resting the side of her head on her pillow. He was late. Didn't he realize how scared she was? She wanted him. She wanted him to hold her. She wanted this fear to go away.

There was a knock on the door. The bottom seemed to drop out of her stomach.

"Who is it?" she called listlessly.

"It's me," called a voice she knew very well.

Lily almost fell out of bed in her haste to get up. She ran to the door and threw it open. Xant was standing there in his human form, looking very much like he knew he did something wrong.

"You're late," she said sharply.

"I know, forgive me," he said, raising his hands in surrender.

Lily turned her back on him and walked back to the bed. "Sit down, Xant."

Xant walked over and sat down on the bed next to her. Lily refused to look at him. Instead, she addressed the ceiling.

"So," she said, "what haven't you been telling me?"

Xant shifted and stared at his knees. "…A lot of things," he said uncomfortably.

"Let's start with that line, what was it again? Oh yes. Something about you only having four days to live!" said Lily, finally turning her head to look at him.

"When you died…" Xant swallowed and looked up to meet her eyes. "When you died, they needed to collect a soul. I couldn't let them take yours…so I gave them mine."

"Why would you do that?" asked Lily.

Xant put a hand on her cheek. "I couldn't let you go," he said. "I care about you too much. More than I've ever cared about anything."

"So what's going to happen to you?" asked Lily, putting her own hand on top of his.

"I will be dragged back into Hell to be purged," said Xant with a tone of one who has accepted his fate.

"Is there any way for that not to happen to you?" asked Lily, a plea in her voice.

"Yes," said Xant. "The slaughter of seven hundred pure, innocent souls within seven days of selling your own."

"You're not going to do that…are you?" asked Lily. Tears filled her eyes. She tried to blink them back, but without much success.

Xant shook his head. "I've made my decision. I couldn't live with myself if I did," he said. "Not even with you."

Lily looked down. She swallowed. "You would give up everything for me," she said in a shaky voice, "but you won't live for me when you have the choice to?"

She was crying now. Xant pulled her close and held her as he had never held her before. He hugged her tightly, burying his face in her hair. Lily gripped his shirt and sobbed onto his chest.

"I'm sorry," said Xant, and he truly sounded it. "I'm so sorry. You have no idea how hard this is."

Lily stayed there in his embrace for a long time, her tears making a wet spot on his shirt. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried. Finally, she looked up at him.

"If there's nothing I can do to change your mind," she said in a teary voice, "then there's only one thing left for it."

Lily leaned up and crushed her lips to his. Xant returned the kiss hungrily. Lily broke the kiss and pulled his shirt over his head. Xant's eyes widened.

"Lily…!" he said in a hushed voice. "I don't…I've never…"

"Will you allow me to take it?" asked Lily.

Xant kissed her on the forehead. "I will," he said.

#

Lily kissed him again, opening her mouth to allow his tongue in. As they kissed, she reached down and cupped the growing bulge in his pants. Xant broke the kiss and jumped, letting out a noise that most would call a yelp.

"Lily…!" he moaned.

"It feels so big," she said, slipping her hand into his pants and rubbing his member. Xant gave a strained moan. "Can I see it?"

Xant slipped his pants off as best he could with Lily still stroking his member. No one had ever touched him there before. He kicked off his pants along with his shoes and revealed his half-erect length.

"It _is_ big," said Lily. "I don't know if I'll be able to fit this in my mouth when it's fully hard."

"Wait, what?" asked Xant in alarm. "A-ahhhg!"

Xant gripped the bedcovers tightly as Lily sucked his member, tipping his head back and gritting his teeth, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. Lily ran her tongue around the head, sucking lightly. He was almost fully hard now. Lily licked the underside of his penis where the head met the shaft. Xant cried out.

"Ahh…! Lily…!" He was panting. "Kyuu!"

Lily bobbed up and down, most of it in her mouth, the tip of it hitting the back of her throat. She went down even farther, licking the underside. Xant's penis twitched in her mouth. She started to suck.

"Nnnn! Lily! Don't…! I'm gonna…! _Ahhhhhn_!"

Xant's member throbbed in her mouth and a moment later, his seed was filling her mouth. She swallowed as it came out, drinking his semen. When he was done, she released his member and looked up at him, licking her lips erotically.

"I'm so hot, Xant," she said. "You're bigger than any human I've ever seen. I want it, Xant."

Xant took the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. He took one of her breasts hesitantly and massaged it. Lily moaned encouragement. He took the nipple of the other one and pinched it lightly. He kneaded her breast with more force.

"Come on, Xant," she said. "I want your hands down there."

Xant pulled Lily onto his lap, her back against his chest, and reached down. He pulled her skirt up and reached one hand down, keeping the other on her breast. She wasn't wearing any underwear. He ran his fingers along her slit.

"You're wet," he said, pushing his fingers past her folds.

"That means I want you," said Lily. She turned her head over her shoulder and kissed Xant.

Xant found her entrance and pushed two fingers into it. Lily moaned into the kiss. He curled his fingers inside of her, causing her to moan again. She broke the kiss and tipped her head back to rest it on Xant's shoulder.

"Uhhhhng…yeah, Xant…you're doing great," she breathed, her face flushed. Xant kissed up her exposed neck.

Xant worked her with his fingers, curling and uncurling them, until Lily stopped him by swiveling around on his lap and kissing him fiercely. Xant kissed back hungrily, forcing her onto her back. Xant broke the kiss and hovered above her, taking her in. She lay on the bed, one hand resting up by her head, the other on her stomach, her skirt bunched up at the waist.

Xant took her skirt and pulled it off, Lily lifting her hips to help him. She noticed his gaze and spread her legs apart widely to give him a better look.

"Can I…taste you?" he asked uncertainly, looking into her eyes, his own uncertain. He had never seen this part of a woman before, and was not entirely sure what to do.

"Go right ahead," said Lily, spreading her legs wider.

Xant lowered his head and tentatively gave it a lick. Lily moaned and he licked her again. She tasted different than he thought she would; it was sweeter than he'd imagined. Using his thumbs to spread her lips, he ran his tongue over her opening, delving his tongue into it.

"Nnnn! Xant! Please, don't stop!" she cried, her legs shaking.

Xant noticed the small button on top of her slit. He didn't know what it was, but something told him to pay special attention to it. He pulled his tongue out and flicked it instead over the button.

"Ahh! Nnnnu! Ung! X-Xant!" Lily squeaked, gripping the sheets so hard her knuckles were turning white.

Xant circled his tongue around it before licking it gently. Lily cried his name. He wrapped his lips around her clitoris and sucked.

"_Ahhh_! Xant! You're gonna make me…! Unnnng!"

Xant continued to work her clit with his mouth while he inserted two fingers into her vagina. He brushed something inside her and she screamed.

"_Ahhhhhhhng_! Hit there again!" she begged.

Xant curled his fingers and a jolt of electricity shot up Lily's body. He pressed on her G-spot and her eyes glazed over. Her breath came in quick gasps.

"Hah…hah…hah…Xant…I'm cum…cumming…_AHHHHHHN_!"

Lily's passage convulsed around his fingers, her juices coating his hand. Xant moved up and kissed her deeply. Lily wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.

"Take me, Xant," she begged. "Take me hard. I want to feel your big cock inside my tight pussy."

"Gods, don't talk like that or I'll cum right now," Xant groaned.

Xant positioned himself at her entrance and pushed in slowly. Xant moaned. She was so tight, so wet, so warm. He pushed all the way in, and Lily moaned as he filled her more fully than she'd ever been filled before.

He moved slowly at first, testing himself. Lily's moans grew impatient and he moved faster and harder, thrusting deeply into her. His body was heating up, the heat pooling in his groin. His pelvis was rubbing against Lily's clit with each thrust. He grabbed her breast and kneaded it, his hand still covered in her juices.

"Ahhhg! Xant! I'm gonna…unng! _Ahhhhhnnn_!"

Lily's passage contracted around him, causing him to cry out. He was very, very close.

"Come on, Xant," she panted. "It's okay, cum inside me!" She rolled her hips forcefully.

"Ahrg! Lily…!" moaned Xant as she rolled her hips again. "Ung…_Ahhhhhng_!"

He thrust deeply into her, shooting his seed deep inside. Lily kissed him forcefully, opening her mouth to allow his tongue in.

Xant pulled out and collapsed, rolling to the side, still kissing her deeply. He pulled her into a sweaty, sticky hug, his hands resting on her waist. Lily broke the kiss and laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes. She fell asleep in his embrace.

* * *

><p>Xant wasn't in bed when Lily woke up. She sat up and looked around. She spotted him outside on the balcony. Pulling on a robe, she walked outside to join him.<p>

Xant was wearing pants, but his shirt was still off. He was staring at the horizon, watching the sun rise.

"What I wouldn't give," he said softly, not taking his eyes off the dawn light, "for one more sunset."

It hit Lily like a blow to the gut. Today was the day. It was the morning of the fourth day since they had encountered Samuel. She swallowed hard, attempting to blink back the tears that threatened to come.

Xant looked at her. What appeared to be flakes of gold dust were coming off of him. He reached out and took Lily's chin gently. He leaned forward and kissed her softly. Lily kissed back, opening her mouth slightly. More of the golden dust was coming off now.

This kiss was very different from all the others they had shared. It was a kiss of apology. It was a kiss full of regret. It was a kiss full of longing for what could have been. It was a kiss displaying all the love shared between them, the words themselves never spoken.

It was a kiss goodbye.

Suddenly, gold dust filled the air and floated away, towards the sky. Lily was left holding nothing. Xant was gone. Lily fell to her knees, hugging herself tightly, doubled up and screamed.

"**_EEEIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH_**!"

It was a horrible, pain-filled sound, full of loss. Tears streamed down her face, thick and fast.

"Xant…Xant…!"

He was gone. Gone. Gone where she couldn't reach him. She would never reach him again. She sobbed uncontrollably. She could practically feel her heart shattering in her chest. Her insides felt hollow, and at the same time it felt as though her organs were filled with lead. She threw back her head and screamed to the heavens.

"**_XAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT_**!"

* * *

><p>;-;<p>

The following is fact.

Me: "You would give up everything for me...but you won't live for me when you have the choice to?"  
>Andrew: Rachael, are you actually crying?<br>Me: YES I AM, SHUT UP!

Not gonna lie, I was sobbing in the call. It's 3 in the morning, and I'm just bawling. #everythingever.

And is it just me or does anyone else see a resemblance to Pokemon Mystery Dungeon in Xant's death. I sent the death clip to our DM after the fact because he never played the game and he was like "Shit. Yeah I see it, with the gold dust."


	17. How to explode

**Faleyn** - (1) Sneals in a living construct, created by Arthur to help test his traps. He is in effect a garden gnome.

(2) I love Sneals. One cannot capture his voice through text. His voice was a split-second decision, and our DM used the highest voice he could and drew out all the vowels. Every time Sneals spoke I had to mute my microphone and just die. No one could take him seriously. Least I couldn't. Xant is incredibly sweet for the spawn of Hell, isn't he? I like Samuel a lot, to be honest. Out of character, he's one of my favorite villains. In character, I want to shoot him in the face. And yes, dat accent.

(3) Yes. Xant's first kiss. My favorite moment. Xander/Australian Guy's death confused all of us, but our DM had to get rid of both of them with only two sessions left, realized that they had never been in the same scene together, and bullshitted it. That's the only explanation we got. Not entirely sure HOW Balder survived. It's MY bow that uses life energy. Oh hell yeah, it's gonna be painful. This has single-handedly changed Lily from a strong character to a wreck.

(4) Xant IS a badass. Yeah, none of us wanted Sneals to go, but shit happens. He no longer had a place in the story.

(5) I was crying too. While writing it, while editing it, while reading it over. Xant is my favorite NPC of all time ;-;

* * *

><p>When Isarda woke up, the first thing she noticed was the sound of crying coming from across the hall. It was soft and muffled, but it was definitely crying. No, this wasn't crying. This was closer to wailing.<p>

She glanced out the window. It was dawn. She climbed out of bed and opened her door. She walked across the hall to the door and opened it quietly, looking in.

Lily was kneeling on the balcony across the room. She was sitting back on her ankles and hunched forward, hugging herself. Tears were streaming down her face, splashing onto the stone in front of her. She didn't even look up as Isarda walked in. She just continued to sob.

"Lily?" asked Isarda gently. "Lily, are you alright?"

Lily didn't respond, or even acknowledge her at all. She was trapped within her pain, too caught up to notice her surroundings.

Balder appeared in the doorway. "Lady Isarda, what are you…oh." He caught sight of Lily. He looked around the room, frowning. "Where is master Xant?"

"He's gone," Lily managed to choke out through her tears. She didn't look up. "He's gone…"

"Oh," said Balder. "Gone where?"

Lily, if possible, cried harder, a wail escaping her throat. It was the cry of a wounded animal. Balder looked confused for a moment before a look of dawning comprehension crossed his face.

"_Ohh_," he said. "…Oh. Well, uh…he's…Lily, it's…Isarda, shall we help get her up?" He looked desperately at Isarda.

Isarda knelt down next to Lily, wrapping her arms around her in a would-be comforting hug. Lily didn't even seem to notice her. Balder walked over and put a hand on Lily's back.

"Come on, Lily, it'll be okay," said Isarda soothingly. "Come on, get up, now."

Isarda stood, still hugging Lily, helping her to her feet. Balder kept his hand on her back but didn't seem comfortable with doing anything else. Lily hugged herself tighter and kept her head down, her eyes squeezed shut, tears dripping onto her chest. She wasn't even trying to stop the flow.

Isarda and Balder led her to her bed and sat her down. Lily didn't say a word, just continued hugging herself and crying. Isarda sat down next to her and put a hand comfortingly on her shoulder. Lily didn't notice.

"I'll stay with her," said Isarda softly. "You go and meet the others."

"Are you sure?" asked Balder.

Isarda nodded. "I don't think Lily is in any state to go anywhere, and I'd feel bad leaving her on her own," she said.

Balder walked out of the room, taking a last look at Lily and Isarda. She was now murmuring softly in Lily's ear, but it didn't seem to have any effect.

Everyone was already awake and downstairs when Balder entered the kitchen.

"Morning," said Jean. "We've all decided to go see the war chief today. We may have failed in our mission, but the mission is still over. I'm just about ready to get the hell out of this city. Where are Isarda, Lily, and Xant? We can't leave without them. Well, Xant we can leave without, but not the other two."

"Xant won't be coming," said Balder. "His seven days clocked out, and Lily is in no fit state to go anywhere. Isarda is upstairs, attempting to comfort her."

"Is she okay?" asked Tsubaki. Everyone ignored Jean, who leaned back in his chair with a noise of annoyance.

"No," said Balder. "She's grieving. I've never seen anyone so upset. She doesn't even seem to notice what's going on around her at the moment."

"Well she needs to get over it," said Jean. "She can cry later; right now we need to focus on getting out the door so we can go turn in these seals and get the hell out of here."

"That's a bit harsh, don't you think, Jean?" said Arthur coldly. "Give her time. We'll leave at midday."

"Why are you giving into her?" asked Jean impatiently. "She can grieve later."

"Because she's not the only one who knew Xant," said Arthur, slamming his cup down.

* * *

><p>It was nearly midday. Lily had finally stopped crying, gotten dressed, and gone downstairs, but to say she was distant would be an understatement. She stood in the corner, leaning against the wall, looking down at her feet, her eyes very red. She didn't speak or make any noise at all.<p>

Arthur approached her before they were about to leave.

"You know, I knew Xant very well, for a long time before you met him," he said gently. "He wouldn't have wanted you to separate yourself from all of us."

"I know," said Lily in a watery voice, barely audible. She didn't look at Arthur.

"It's okay to miss him," said Arthur, "but he wouldn't have wanted you to be this sad."

"I know, Arthur," she said, her voice shaking. She tipped her head back at looked determinedly at the ceiling, her eyes very bright. She sniffed. Arthur put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly, before walking away.

"Lily, come on!" called Jean. "We're leaving; get moving!"

Lily pushed herself away from the wall and walked slowly after the rest of the group. She lagged behind the others and didn't say a word as they walked through the city, staring at her feet. All of her focus was on keeping her tears in. It still felt like the bottom had dropped out of her stomach.

Jean pushed open the door to the war chief's room when they arrived. The chief was on the floor, wrestling with the two small orcs. He looked like a father. The war chief looked up and saw the group.

"Alright, kids," he said, standing up. "Daddy has to work. Run along, now."

"But we wanna –" squeaked the larger of the two small orcs.

"_Go_," said the war chief.

The two children reluctantly got up and left the room. The war chief sat on his ornate chair and faced them.

"So," he said. "I asked you to do one thing, and that was to protect the shipment. Judging by the looks on your faces I think I can safely assume that this has not been done."

"No," said Jean. "We apologize, sir, but a third party got to the shipment before we could and he took the weapons."

"So you have failed in your task," said the war chief, "and in doing so, have unleashed a great threat upon my city."

"We're sorry, sir," said Randor.

"There is nothing to be done about it, then," said the war chief. "Give your seals back to me and you are free to go. My men and I will take care of this threat."

At that point, the wall behind the war chief exploded with the force of a small bomb. Through the smoke and wreckage walked Samuel.

"Oh, will you?" he sneered. "Why don't you try it?"

There was a flurry of movement as everyone drew their weapons. Samuel looked over them all in amusement.

"Well, well, the whole gang's here," he said. He frowned. "Hang on, someone's missing. Where's Xant?" No one answered him. Lily tensed. Comprehension dawned on Samuel's face. "Ohh…it's been seven days, hasn't it? Pity, I was quite looking forward to killing him myself. Oh, and look at the little girl he left behind!" His eyes settled on Lily. "Look at how sad she is. Do you miss him, love? Well that's too bad. You can't get him back. At this moment, he's back with all his little demon friends, being tortured for eternity, and it's all because…of you."

"_SHUT UP_!" Lily screamed. It was the first thing she had said with force all day. She fired a bolt of energy at Samuel's face, intent on shutting him up for good.

Samuel laughed and caught the arrow. "None of that, love," he said. "At least, not until this has to become a fight. Now, then –" Samuel pointed the guns at the war chief, who was sprawled on the floor from the force of the explosion "– you will declare me the king of this city and you _will_ stand down."

"I will do neither thing while I still live," spat the war chief.

"Ah, I figured we'd come across this problem, mate," said Samuel. "But the problem is that with the push of a button, you _won't_ live any longer. I hold your life in my hands."

Arthur lunged at Samuel. Samuel pointed one of the guns at him. The _bang_ echoed throughout the room and Arthur fell, never to move again. Randor and Jean raised their weapons, fire engulfing Iltath' Glek. Lily and Tsubaki pulled back their bowstrings.

Samuel sighed. "I'm not going to get out of here without a fight now, am I?" he said. "Damn…"

He pointed the gun at Lily and pulled the trigger, the bullet missing her by a hairbreadth. Lily responded with a charged bolt straight to his chest. Samuel snarled and ducked the next arrow, shot by Tsubaki. Randor ran up to him and hit him with Iltath' Glek. Jean hit him in the side with his warhammer.

Samuel jumped back away from them and fired six shots. Jean grabbed his shoulder; Randor clutched his chest; Tsubaki dropped her bow and held her upper arm; Lily fell to one knee as the bullet went through her thigh; Isarda too was holding her leg; Balder was gripping his shoulder.

There was a crackle and lightning was shot at Samuel. He didn't quite manage to duck the two arrows being shot at him. He was even less successful at dodging the blows from Randor and Jean. Bleeding heavily, Samuel pointed both guns at Randor, both bullets hitting him in the gut.

It happened very quickly, and at the same time it seemed to happen in slow motion. There was a furious cry of "Samuel!" and a glowing blue bolt of energy shot across the room. It hit Samuel in the heart, the force of it throwing him into the air to land heavily on his back. He coughed, blood pouring from the wound.

Lily pushed past Jean and Randor, holding Samuel down with a foot on his chest. She pointed her bow down at his face. There were tears on Lily's face, but her expression was twisted into one of rage.

"That's right, you look at me when I kill you," she snarled, pulling back the string and having a blue bolt form.

"Lily, no!" said Jean. "He's done, can't you see? He's done!"

Lily only shook her head, pulling the bowstring back farther. "This man is responsible for Xant's death!" she spat. "I'm not letting him walk out of here alive!"

"He's not _going_ to walk out of here alive!" said Jean, grabbing Lily's upper arms and dragging her away from Samuel. "He's done! You've already killed him!"

"No, I haven't!" she screeched. "He's still breathing! Xant is being purged and it's all because of him! I'm going to make him feel every ounce of pain Xant's feeling tenfold! Jean, let me go! Eeeiiiaaahhh!"

Lily let out a scream of frustration, but Jean was much stronger than she was. He held her arms behind her back, and no matter how much she struggled, she couldn't break free. Her bow fell to the ground with a clatter, and she dropped her head and stopped struggling, crying softly.

Samuel coughed violently from the floor. He didn't seem to have the strength to move.

"I suppose I really am done, aren't I?" he said faintly. "Heh. I only wanted to be remembered. That's all I've ever wanted. Please, do me one favor."

"What could you possibly want from us?" asked Jean.

"Cremate my body," said Samuel, "and throw my ashes to the west winds. That's how my grandfather went, and my father. Ahah…maybe we'll meet again in another life."

Samuel sighed. His eyes closed. There was a faint ticking sound. Everyone looked around for the source of it. The ticking sped up. Jean's eyes settled on Samuel's body. His eyes widened.

"Run," he said, letting go of Lily and speeding away.

Tsubaki ran right after him. Isarda and Balder helped the war chief up and fled the room. Lily snatched up her bow and ran as best she could with her shot leg.

"Randor, come on!" Balder called.

Randor stood over Samuel's body, a look of resigned determination on his face. He picked up Samuel's body and threw it as hard as he could out of the hole Samuel had blasted in the wall. Samuel's body flew twenty feet. It lay there for a few more seconds, and then exploded.

Randor was too close to escape the blast. When the light from the explosion faded they could all properly see him. He was covered from head to foot in third degree burns. Without a sound, Randor dropped to his knees, and fell forward.

He never got up.

* * *

><p>Lily went batshit in there. I had fun with that.<p>

And yes, Samuel did really explode. He had a bomb in his chest that he set to go off if his life functions stopped working, as a last resounding "Fuck you" to us. It was a last-ditch effort.

Only one chapter left, and then this story will be wrapped up.


	18. How to miss the happy ending

"Randor!"

Isarda ran up to Randor and bent down next to him. After a moment, she looked up and shook her head. Tsubaki walked up to where Samuel had dropped his guns and picked them up, weighing them in her hands. She put them in her belt.

The war chief walked back to his chair and turned it upright, sitting upon it.

"You have saved us from what promised to be a great threat," he said. "You have killed the man who took the weapons, and the Brotherhood is no more. You will all get a great reward."

"What about Randor?" asked Balder.

"Your friend shall be honored above all others," said the war chief. "Now, about your reward. In the chamber next to this room there is a book. Anything written in this book will come true. You are all allowed to go in and write one thing in the book. Any one wish you want. Fame, riches, glory. The book can do anything, short of making you a god."

"It can do anything?" asked Lily. Her voice had a desperate edge to it. "Anything at all will come true?"

The war chief nodded. "Anything."

Lily's eyes grew hopeful. She immediately fell silent, thinking hard about how she was going to word her wish so that there were no loopholes.

"I will go first," said Jean.

The war chief gestured to a small door to the side of his throne that they had not noticed before. Jean walked through it and shut the door behind him. The room was bare, except for a pedestal in the center of the dimly lit chamber. A blank book lay open on the pedestal, a quill lying next to it.

Jean walked up to the book and thought hard about what to wish for. He remembered the man they had encountered, all the way back in Waterdeep, where this adventure began. He remembered the power that man had held in his hands.

_To become a cursed one._

He put the quill down. As soon as he did, the ink on the page faded into the parchment and vanished. He turned and walked out of the room.

As soon as he was out of the room, the agony swept over him. A boiling hot pain was sweeping all over his body. He doubled up in agony, choking. He vomited a mixture of bile, blood and – to his horror – what appeared to be pieces of his organs. He could feel his organs melting. It was pain as he had never experienced. He vomited again. Then, he fell forward and did not move again.

The others watched in mute horror at the gruesome sight. The war chief looked on passively. When it was over and Jean lay dead, he looked merely puzzled.

"Organ liquefaction," he said. "An odd thing to wish for."

Balder stepped forward. "I will go next," he said.

"I'll go with you," said Isarda.

The two of them entered the room and approached the book. Isarda tentatively reached out and took the quill.

_Peace between the elves and the orcs._

She put the quill down. As she did so, her words faded and vanished. Balder walked up and picked the quill up. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye before writing.

_For the love of Isarda Galanodel._

Isarda looked at the fading words in surprise. "But you already have that," she said.

"I know," said Balder, taking her hand.

Together the two of them walked out of the room. It was reassuring to Lily and Tsubaki that their organs didn't liquefy as they walked back across the room. Tsubaki went into the room next, picking up the quill and writing out her wish.

_To have a new identity._

The words faded from the page. Tsubaki exited the room and as soon as she did so, she doubled up in pain. Her body started to fade. Then, she was simply gone.

Lily walked into the room last, feeling very much like it was _her_ organs that had liquefied. This was it. She would see him again, if she just wrote down the words. She didn't see how there could be a loophole in her words, and it wouldn't do something funny like tether him to her forever. She picked up the quill in a shaking hand and wrote out her wish.

_Xant returns to this plane, safe and alive._

She put down the quill and the words faded from the page. This should do it. So what if he returned to this plane somewhere else? She would find him. They would find each other. She could feel it. She turned and exited the room.

She looked around. Isarda, Balder, and the war chief were all in the room, along with the corpses of Jean and Randor. There were footsteps coming from inside the chamber. An elderly man walked out of the room and looked around, his gaze settling on Lily.

"Was it you who wished for the return of the greater demon, Xant?" he asked.

"It was," said Lily, unease fluttering in her stomach.

"There were a few…complications…in your wish," said the old man.

"Complications?" she asked, fear gripping her heart. "What do you mean? I wished for him to return to this plane alive."

"Well for starters, he was never alive to begin with," said the old man. "Therefore, he cannot be dead to be brought back to life. And the second complication was that it is not your place to resummon him to this plane. He is a greater demon, he cannot be summoned. He can only be sent. And Hell will never again send him to this plane after he failed so miserably in his mission and betrayed the demonic code."

Crushing despair came over Lily. She felt tears prick her eyes, but she blinked them back. It wasn't going to happen. She was never going to see him again.

"I also wished for him to be safe," she said in a very faint, watery voice.

"That you did," said the old man. "And that part did work. Xant was freed from his eternal torture after only a few hours. At this moment, he is undergoing a transformation. He is being sent up to Heaven. He is being turned into an angel."

Lily looked down at her feet, unable to say anything. The old man put a hand on her shoulder.

"That was a very good thing you did, Lily Vedimir," he said gently. Then he disappeared.

* * *

><p>Randor's funeral was small. He was placed inside a casket and was sent out to sea, along with Jean. Before they were shipped out, however, Lily gave Randor something she hadn't given to him yet: the hand she had taken during her investigation of the break-in. His reward for doing such a good job.<p>

A statue was erected in the center of town of Randor. In the statue's hand rested Iltath' Glek, never to be used again. Lily, Isarda, and Balder all stayed around long enough to see it go up.

"What are you going to do now?" asked Isarda as they all stood on the bank after the funeral. It was raining lightly, making ripples in the water.

"I don't know," said Lily. "I'm leaving, though. I know that much. I need to leave this place behind, and try to move on. I need some time to get my head on straight." She looked up at Isarda from underneath her black hood. "What about you?"

"Balder and I are going to return to my home city, the elven capital," said Isarda.

"Maybe one day, we'll see each other again," said Lily.

"Yeah," said Balder. "Maybe."

"I need to get away from here though," said Lily softly, looking down. "Everything about this place is too fresh. I need to put it behind me."

"I wish you luck, wherever you end up," said Isarda.

"Thank you," she said.

Lily turned and hugged Isarda. Then she went over to Balder and gave him a hug as well. She didn't look over her shoulder as she walked away. She vanished into the rain without looking back.

Lily looked up at the sky, the rain mixing with her tears.

"Goodbye, Xant," she said softly.

* * *

><p><em>Lying by the trees<em>_  
>All wrapped up in leaves<em>

Story: Chris R.

_I lay you down to sleep  
><em>_You're so lovely_

Writing: Rachael G.

_Little hands so white and pale  
><em>_Blue under your nails_

Jean: Spencer A.

_I wanna show how much I care  
><em>_Sleeping beauty_

Lily: Rachael G.

_We'll let this be our hide-away  
><em>_Our secret_

Tsubaki: Andrew P.

_I'll set you free though I must stay  
><em>_'cause our love can't be shared_

Randor: Josh H.

_This will be your one  
><em>_Last kiss goodbye_

Isarda: Susan S.

_And I wish you  
><em>_And I wish you_

Balder: Chris R.

_This will be your one  
><em>_Last kiss goodbye_

Xant: Chris R.

_And I wish you  
><em>_And I wish you well in hell_

Arthur: Chris R.

_It's been years since we last met  
><em>_Now it's fall and leaves are wet_

Sneals: Chris R.

_I think you must have lost some weight  
><em>_But you're still lovely_

Doppelganger: Chris R.

_We'll let this be our hide-away  
><em>_Our secret_

Samuel: Chris R.

_I'll set you free though I must stay  
><em>_'cause our love can't be shared_

Xander: Chris R.

_This will be your one  
><em>_Last kiss goodbye_

Australian Guy: Chris R.

_And I wish you  
><em>_And I wish you_

War chief: Chris R.

_This will be your one  
><em>_Last kiss goodbye_

Valthalun: Chris R.

_And I wish you  
><em>_And I wish you well in hell_

Vorion: Chris R.

_I know you will be waiting  
><em>_Sleeping in your pelt_

Lupin: Chris R.

_If I couldn't have you, baby  
><em>_No one ever will_

Claire: Chris R.

_'cause our love can't be shared_

Carver: Chris R.

_This will be your one  
><em>_Last kiss goodbye_

Cheating men: Chris R.

_And I wish you  
><em>_And I wish you_

Dragon: Chris R.

_This will be your one  
><em>_Last kiss goodbye_

Miscellaneous people: Chris R.

_And I wish you  
><em>_And I wish you well_

Miscellaneous creatures: Chris R.

_This will be your one  
><em>_Last kiss goodbye_

Closing song: Last Kiss Goodbye – Lordi

_And I wish you  
>And I wish you<em>

Plot: Chris R.

_This will be your one  
>Last kiss goodbye<em>

Everything else: Chris R.

_And I wish you  
><em>_And I wish you well in hell_

Thank you for reading.

* * *

><p>And that is the end, ladies and gentlemen. I do not own Last Kiss Goodbye by Lordi. My God, there were so many song choices I debated on, Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus coming very very very close.<p>

Lily's alignment has changed once again. By spending her wish for anything at all on Xant, saving him from his torture, she has gone from Chaotic Neutral to Chaotic Good. And to think she was Evil at the beginning of this.

The sequel takes place two years after these events. It is coming out on July 1st, 2011. It will be entitled Poisoned Minds.


End file.
